Ok - so let me start off by saying that I am not sure whether I actually believe that any of what I am about to type is actually possible, nor that it really happened. I am merely going to describe an experience I had this morning - one that is continuing through text messages as I write this, and leave it to the reader to decide whether it is true or not.
I have been emailing back and forth with Barbara this week, and we ended up making a plan to meet for coffee this morning. Although we had planned to meet at a coffeeshop, she texted this morning to say that she had sent an email about a change in plans, and I immediately thought she was probably going to cancel. To my complete surprise, it said instead that she left her purse in a friend's car the night before, and that, if I wanted, I could come pick her up and give her a ride to get it - either that, or we would have to meet later. Well, I was pretty anxious to meet her, so I agreed to go pick her up close to where she lives.
Now she had told me that men were often intimidated by her, so I naturally assumed she was very pretty. But when I stopped to pick her up, and she jumped in the truck, I realized that this woman was downright BEAUTIFUL, and obviously WAY out of my league. I figured she would be pretty unimpressed with me, was used to dating CEO's and lawyers and such, and that she would probably humor me for an hour if I was lucky. So imagine how shocked - and I mean SHOCKED - I was when we got to the coffeeshop (we had decided we would stop there for coffee first, then go get her purse) and proceeded to talk... and talk... and talk some more. About life. About sprituality. About self awareness. About meditation. About quantum physics. About relationships. About.... Wow. I think you get the picture. Oh, and did I mention that this woman is beautiful? I mean drop dead gorgeous, with a fantastic body, beautiful hands and feet, breathtaking face, she's got it all - and a bag of chips like this man has never seen!
We talked for a good 2 and a half to 3 hours, and it was mesmerizing - she was mesmerizing. Best of all, she was nothing like I thought she would be : not the stuck up Scottsdale type at all. She was humble, gracious, interested, approachable, intriguing. Beautiful. My dream woman incarnate. Everything I have ever wanted in a woman. Sitting there, right in front of me. Talking to me. Listening to me. Interested in me.... And then, I woke up - right?
One would think so (who knows - it could still happen I guess! But it hasn't yet) And when I dropped her off, some of the first words I said to myself were "I am going to marry this woman" and my thoughts were that I have found a woman that I will dedicate my life to winning the heart of. I don't think I have ever felt this way - this strongly - about any woman ever before in my life. The closest would be Ty, when we first got together almost 20 years ago. But I was not sober then, and not capable of feeling on the same level I am now. So this is different - stronger, more palpable.
And now she texted me saying she wants me to send this entry to her - yikes! Oh man, talk about scared... Well, I guess I have nothing to lose, right? If she reads it, and it freaks her out, well, then it freaks her out. If she runs away screaming, thinking I am like totally obsessive or codependent, then she does. I can't help the way I feel. And BELIEVE me - this is NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN - meet some woman, and go gaga for her right off the bat! I mean, for one, I have been doing really well on the "take it slow" stuff, and this definitely does not fit into that modality. And the whole "love at first sight" or first meeting, that stuff is for the movies! So what do I do with this?
Well, best I can figure is to let it ride and see what happens. Now that she is going to read this, at least I can know that it is out there, and won't have to wonder how she would feel if she knew. She has intimated that she already knows, but I am not quite sure if she knows the depth and purity of the feeling. She will now! And to her, I say this : I am going to do everything in my power to win your heart. I will take it slow, and we will build a friendship first. We will be patient, and not rush into anything. And it's ok if you don't feel this strongly about me. In fact, it's probably very healthy - I am a bit whacko right now! Lol! But know this - I write this in all sincerity, and it is not something that I do all the time. In fact, not sure that I have ever felt this way before. And to be honest, it is a little frightening, unsettling, exciting, intriguing and dreamy all at the same time. Wow...
And I just pinched myself. It hurt, and I didn't wake up. And if this be the dream that is to be, then I shall wish that I don't wake until your heart and mine are one... <3
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