Made it Alive

Well, whoda thunk it. Here I am, 40 years old today, sober, healthy (healthier than I have ever been actually) and relatively happy. I honestly thought, actually hoped for some time, that I would never make it to this age. Yet, here I am, and I am actually grateful to be alive today. What a gift that is.

It's weird how the older we get, the less and less important our birthdays seem, and the fewer number of people who actually know about them. Of course, all my family back in SD remembered and sent me cards. Mom and I are still on the outs, so I didn't really expect anything from her. And to be honest, I really don't tell people it is my birthday, so I can't really expect anyone to know, can I? Lol! I figure I will take the kids out to Red Lobster tonight to celebrate, especially considering the fact that the Universe decided to bless me with the gift of getting my amended tax refund, $665, in the mail yesterday. Woo hoo! How cool is that for a b-day present? It is also interesting to note that today, for the first time ever, they are honoring people whose birthdays fall between Jan and May with cake in the breakroom. It's really weird, as it just happens to fall directly on my b-day : another neat little coincidence :)

Ok, so I have to share something here that happened last night, if only to mark the momentous occasion : last night, after the new meeting I have been attending on Monday nights at the Mennonite Church on 7th St. north of Dunlap, I spoke with one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen, much less actually talked to. And I don't say this exaggeratingly (is that even a word?). When I first saw her last week, my immediate reaction was "oh my goodness - she is Brooke Shields when she was in her prime..." Long, gorgeous brunette hair; exotic, deep eyes; a fantastic figure; just beautiful. She was the last person to share, and I was SO hoping she would get the chance to, as time was winding down as the lady before her shared, and I kept thinking 'wrap it up so I can hear her!' Haha!

When she spoke, she mentioned that she had spent some time in a Zen Buddhist monastery, and I knew I would just have to ask her about that. I was legitimately curious, and jumping at the "in" that had manifested. So I walked up to her after the meeting got out and asked her about it. I was expecting a little one or 2 word response, and then a quick walk-away as so often happens with beautiful women like her when I approach them and try to talk to them. But instead, we ended up standing there in the parking lot for almost half an hour talking about Buddhism, the Program, her sobriety, etc. I must admit, I was basking in the ecstasy of being so close to, and actually visiting with, such a beautiful woman. And she is pretty deep too - not just a pretty face.

She went on to mention that she has a boyfriend who is an attorney (shouldn't be a surprise, right?), that he is a normie, and that they go to a lot of events where there is drinking and socializing. She said that people in the Program often tell her that she needs to dump him, and I told her that it wouldn't surprise me if some of the men suggested that, thinking that they might be the perfect guy for her! Lol. She was extremely approachable, and I really enjoyed the convo. So, suffice it to say, that I found my dream woman. But, there are 2 major drawbacks/obstacles : 1, she has a boyfriend. 2, she only has 17 days sober.

The thing that really fscinated me was the manner in which she seemed to be so comfortable physically with me. I almost got the impression that she wanted me to hug or hold her...? I know it sounds crazy, but as I was walking to the door of my truck, she seemed to linger around, as if wanting me to pass closely to her, and not really wanting to leave. If I hadn't had the kids waiting at home, I would have asked her out to coffee. Something tells me that her boyfriend doesn't treat her all that great - or at least, she doesn't think he does, or doesn't think that he finds her truly beautiful. I don't know - I am probably reading WAY too much into it, that's just the impression I got.

So yeah, I was a little giddy last night after that, feeling as though I had been given the chance to speak to Cindy Ireland or Brooke Shields or something - and she didn't run away! Ha ha! I tell you whut - if I had a woman like that, I would go to therapy 3 times a day to avoid sabotaging the relationship, buy her flowers once a week, and give thanks and praises to God and all the Universe for delivering me an angel every day. She would NEVER wonder if I thought she was beautiful, as I would tell her every day. And we would live happily ever after! The End.

Hey, everyone has to have a dream, right? And since today is my birthday, I get to make a wish - and I think we all know what that is now... ;)

The Big 4-O

So tomorrow is the "big" day - I officially turn 40 years old. And, although there will likely be very little fanfare, as I have no girlfriend, and am estranged from my mom, I am still very pleased to think that I am in the best shape of my life at this time, and all-in-all, things are pretty darned good right now. And when I say best shape ever, I am not even exaggerating. I can run a mile non-stop now without being completely out of breath, and repeat the feat on following days. Heck, I have never been able to run a mile period, save for the time I did it towards the end of high school in preparation for entering the marines. But even then, I was dying. Not so now.

And I have cut 4 inches off my waist - from a 36" (squeezing into size 34 pants) down to a legitimate 32" (with all of my size 34 pants falling off me!). It kinda' sucks to have to buy a whole new wardrobe of work pants, but given the reasoning, it is very gratifying too! Not only that, other numbers have come down too : my cholesterol, my triglycerides, etc. I got my ECHO biometrics back a couple of weeks ago, and everything looked way better than last year. It is great to know that all the working out and eating healthier is paying some real dividends.

In other news, I went out and bought myself a 2001 Suzuki GZ250 motorcylce from craigslist this weekend to use for communting back and forth to work. My truck is killing me on gas, and I heard something a couple of weeks ago about gas maybe going up to as much as $5 a gallon this summer. And if that happens, I would be screwed! So, I went out and picked up this little bike for a grand, and it is in really good shape. It looks good too, and came with a nice helmet and saddle bags to boot. Now I just have to get a nice, mesh riding jacket and I will be set.

Ty and I are on good terms, and we have been talking with each other about the issues we are dealing with regarding our relationship malfunctions. It seems as though we both share a lot of the same behaviors and patterns, and it is actually good to have someone to share this stuff with - especially someone as cool as she is. Unfortunately, she is back to smoking again, and I highly doubt she is working out anymore, but you know what? That's actually a good thing, in that she needs to be Ty, and not who I, or someone else, wants her to be. And she is coming to realize that, and for that I am grateful.

I must admit that I am a little bummed that I haven't landed a "babe" yet, given how much better shape I am in. I mean, don't these women know how good I look now, and that I deserve it because of how hard I have worked?!?! Apparently not! Lol! But if that is my biggest worry today, then I consider myself blessed, and actually grateful to have lived to see another birthday. It is definitely not a given, and for many years, I thought - no, I was determined - that I would never see the day. I'm glad I gave life, and myself, a chance.