After mom's little surprise last week. I decided to do what it takes to get the changes made to the court order so the kids could see Sam again. I went down to the Superior Court (think I mentioned that in my last post) and found out that a person can actually file a modification to a court order on their own. They have packets available for sale for $15, or they told me I could download the from the Internet for free. So this last weekend, I did just that - downloaded all the forms and spent most of Sunday filling them all out.
Yesterday, Sam met me down there, and we got all of the necessary forms files. hopefully, by next week, we will get some kind of decree so we can know that we are out of the woods for good - at least on this issue. I have to mention that I have been very impressed with Sam lately, and I really hope she stays sober. She has been very responsible, and we have been able to work together to get stuff done, which is very nice for a change. She is still hesitant about having the kids over until we know that results of the order we filed, and I can't blame her.
On a related note, Galen told me that he would actually like to come spend the next 4 or 5 days at home. I thought he must have some sort of hidden agenda, as he has been very cold to me lately. So I called him on it, and asked him why he REALLY wanted to come over. He said the he had made some bad decisions, and that he honestly wants to work on rebuilding our relationship. I told him that was agood enough for me, so he will be coming back with Tessi tonight to stay for awhile. I am still a little suspicious of his true motives, but I hope he proves me wrong.
I haven't heard anything from mom, although LoraLei did call Marshal last weekend (through Mom's manipulation, I'm sure) and told him that mom was suicidal and wasn't doing well. Marsh called me to see what I thought, and I told him that I didn't trust mom, that it was probably a manipulation of hers, and that I wasn't going to do anything. He decided to call her, and from what he told me after, he was left thinking that I was probably right - that it was just a manipulation technique of mom's. She ended up hanging up on him (surprise, right?).
I am basically done with her for some time. It is horrible - so horrible - to say, but I was actually thinking that if she offed herself, it might be the best thing for everyone, including her. She is just so jaded, spiteful, angry and fearful that I can't imagine she enjoys life very much. And I know that the misery she causes everyone else would not be missed. I would feel horrible if she ever read this, but like she always says - you gotta' call a spade a spade.
We still managed to have a very nice Christmas however. Tess and I went over to Marshal and Kristina's and had a great time with them and Q. Tess and I went to see Avatar in IMAX 3D Christmas day, and it was awesome. Actually, one of the more relaxing holidays I've had in a long time.
I pray for my mom - that she gets some real help. Supposedly she is seeing a psychiatrist at the VA every Monday, but I have no faith that she will stick with it long enough to experience any true healing. We'll see though. Maybe we will all have a miracle, and she will finally do the one thing she has always avoided - take a long, hard look at herself, and take some time to deal with HER issues instead of everyone else's. Please Lord, let it be....
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
The return of Wandy
I guess it would be asking too much to think that we could actually have 2 good holidays in a row, and sure enough, mom decided to snap this last weekend and almost completely ruin Christmas for me and the kids. She has been freaking over the kids seeing Sam again - not so much Galen living over there, as she is still angry with him. But she has been outraged over the fact that I have been letting Tessi see her mom, and this weekend, she decided that if she couldn't control me, and make me do what she wanted, that she would take matters into her own hands.
So yesterday, after she basically threatened me the night before with calling CPS on me to report that I was in violation of a court order by allowing the kids to go over there, I decided to head down to Superior Court and see what I needed to do to cover my own butt in case she actually called CPS. While I was on the way to the court, Sam called and told me that indeed, someone had called and reported it to CPS, and that the kids could not spend any time with her until we got the court order modified. So that meant that not only could Tessi not see her mom for Christmas now, which she had really been looking forward to, it also meant that Galen could not stay with Sam at all. He is staying with Lora until we can get this all figured out, and Tessi is trying to deal with the fact that she cannot see her mom now.
I have let mom know that she it out of our life for good now. This was absolutely the last straw. To top things off, she came over to our place while we were at the court and took all of Tessi's presents back. I knew she was going to pull something like that, so I had stopped at Ace and picked up a new deadbolt, but I was already too late. How cruel and heartless does someone have to be to take presents away from a 9 year old girl? And for what - because she loves her mom? Does the fact that my mom hates Sam justify that action? I don't think so.
Of course there is another dimension to all this : the possiblity that I could have been arrested for violating a court order, or that Sam could have, or we both could have. Now it might have been an outside possibility, but still - the possibility was there. And to think that she did all this 5 days before Christmas - well, to me, that is just reprehensible. Although I can forgive her because I believe she is mentally ill, I do not have to keep allowing her into our lives so she can keep wreaking havoc. There has been a steady progression in the seriousness and destructive nature of her actions, and this one has crossed the line. I simply cannot allow her into our lives again - not until she has had some SERIOUS therapy and committed to truly changing.
Yesterday, she sent out an email around 3pm stating that she had gone to the VA and was getting into some counselling and also being presribed some medication. Of course Marshal and I have been BEGGING her for years to do this, but she has always preferred to focus on everyone else's problems. I think it is great that she is doing it, but for me, it is far too little, and way too late. Just the thought that she would squash Tessi's Christmas wishes of seeing her mom, take away all of her presents, and jeopardize my freedom, all 5 days before Christmas - it borders on the coldest, cruelest, most hainous act I have ever been witness to in our family, and I cannot tolerate any more of her hate filled vitriol and anger-inspired, destructive actions.
I almost allowed this all to create a rift between Marshal and me, as he sent an email stating that he did not agree with me letting Tessi see her mom either. But I called him last night and we worked everything out between us. We have basically agreed to disagree, and know that it is possible to still have a good relationship without agreeing on everything. I am grateful for that - she no longer has the power to pit Marshal and I against each other. So we are still going out to M&K's for Christmas Eve, and that should be fun. I am not sure about Christmas Day. Maybe Tess and I will go see Avatar or something. I honestly don't feel like going to Mike and Terri's, and we haven't really been invited anyway.
So now I have to get busy filling out all the paperwork and finding out what all I have to do to resolve this issue so the kids can see their mom. Galen texted me last night and said that he wants to stay with his mom for good, that he likes her parenting style better. Some people might expect that I would be hurt and upset by that, and I was a little bit, but not that much. He has changed a lot over the last year or 2, and it doesn't surprise me that he likes being with her more now. I don't think she is as tough on discipline, and she lets him see his girlfriend all the time, even letting him go to her house after school. I am not about to change the way I parent to make him happy, so it is probably best that he does stay there. And to be honest, Tessi and I have been getting along a lot better, and generally enjoying life without all the stress he created.
I am trying to maintain my serenity in all this, and though at times I have snapped (like Sunday night when mom wass threatening me) I think I have done a pretty good job altogether. I am hoping that Christmas Eve will be a fun time, and that we can get all this stuff resolved quickly so the kids can start seeing their mom again. I just don't have the hate towards Sam that my mom and brother do, and to this point, she has done a good job of meeting me on time, keeping her commitments on picking Tess up and bringing her back, and even gone out of her way to make it easy for me. The kids have said nothing that would cause me to believe that she is mistreating them, and Galen has actually been doing better with his grades.
May we all be blessed with wisdom, patience, understanding and compassion and be guided by the only the highest purposes during this holiday season.
So yesterday, after she basically threatened me the night before with calling CPS on me to report that I was in violation of a court order by allowing the kids to go over there, I decided to head down to Superior Court and see what I needed to do to cover my own butt in case she actually called CPS. While I was on the way to the court, Sam called and told me that indeed, someone had called and reported it to CPS, and that the kids could not spend any time with her until we got the court order modified. So that meant that not only could Tessi not see her mom for Christmas now, which she had really been looking forward to, it also meant that Galen could not stay with Sam at all. He is staying with Lora until we can get this all figured out, and Tessi is trying to deal with the fact that she cannot see her mom now.
I have let mom know that she it out of our life for good now. This was absolutely the last straw. To top things off, she came over to our place while we were at the court and took all of Tessi's presents back. I knew she was going to pull something like that, so I had stopped at Ace and picked up a new deadbolt, but I was already too late. How cruel and heartless does someone have to be to take presents away from a 9 year old girl? And for what - because she loves her mom? Does the fact that my mom hates Sam justify that action? I don't think so.
Of course there is another dimension to all this : the possiblity that I could have been arrested for violating a court order, or that Sam could have, or we both could have. Now it might have been an outside possibility, but still - the possibility was there. And to think that she did all this 5 days before Christmas - well, to me, that is just reprehensible. Although I can forgive her because I believe she is mentally ill, I do not have to keep allowing her into our lives so she can keep wreaking havoc. There has been a steady progression in the seriousness and destructive nature of her actions, and this one has crossed the line. I simply cannot allow her into our lives again - not until she has had some SERIOUS therapy and committed to truly changing.
Yesterday, she sent out an email around 3pm stating that she had gone to the VA and was getting into some counselling and also being presribed some medication. Of course Marshal and I have been BEGGING her for years to do this, but she has always preferred to focus on everyone else's problems. I think it is great that she is doing it, but for me, it is far too little, and way too late. Just the thought that she would squash Tessi's Christmas wishes of seeing her mom, take away all of her presents, and jeopardize my freedom, all 5 days before Christmas - it borders on the coldest, cruelest, most hainous act I have ever been witness to in our family, and I cannot tolerate any more of her hate filled vitriol and anger-inspired, destructive actions.
I almost allowed this all to create a rift between Marshal and me, as he sent an email stating that he did not agree with me letting Tessi see her mom either. But I called him last night and we worked everything out between us. We have basically agreed to disagree, and know that it is possible to still have a good relationship without agreeing on everything. I am grateful for that - she no longer has the power to pit Marshal and I against each other. So we are still going out to M&K's for Christmas Eve, and that should be fun. I am not sure about Christmas Day. Maybe Tess and I will go see Avatar or something. I honestly don't feel like going to Mike and Terri's, and we haven't really been invited anyway.
So now I have to get busy filling out all the paperwork and finding out what all I have to do to resolve this issue so the kids can see their mom. Galen texted me last night and said that he wants to stay with his mom for good, that he likes her parenting style better. Some people might expect that I would be hurt and upset by that, and I was a little bit, but not that much. He has changed a lot over the last year or 2, and it doesn't surprise me that he likes being with her more now. I don't think she is as tough on discipline, and she lets him see his girlfriend all the time, even letting him go to her house after school. I am not about to change the way I parent to make him happy, so it is probably best that he does stay there. And to be honest, Tessi and I have been getting along a lot better, and generally enjoying life without all the stress he created.
I am trying to maintain my serenity in all this, and though at times I have snapped (like Sunday night when mom wass threatening me) I think I have done a pretty good job altogether. I am hoping that Christmas Eve will be a fun time, and that we can get all this stuff resolved quickly so the kids can start seeing their mom again. I just don't have the hate towards Sam that my mom and brother do, and to this point, she has done a good job of meeting me on time, keeping her commitments on picking Tess up and bringing her back, and even gone out of her way to make it easy for me. The kids have said nothing that would cause me to believe that she is mistreating them, and Galen has actually been doing better with his grades.
May we all be blessed with wisdom, patience, understanding and compassion and be guided by the only the highest purposes during this holiday season.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Just like bad gas -
- it keeps coming back. Negative feelings that is. Of course, at least it is not full-on depression, and that is a blessing. Today, I did find myself in a bad mood however - and as a direct result of not following through with what I said I would (or, more appropriately, would not) do : I opened my piehole at a standards meeting, and was immediately shot down, as usual. You think I would learn, right? You think I would simply avoid the possibility of being shot down by just shutting my fucking mouth. But NO, I just have this compulsion to have my voice heard, no matter how insignificant the point.
And that, I think, is the root of my trouble - that I just want to hear myself talk to think I am important, because I know that whatever I say is not going to matter. I have not worked here that long, and unlike Adam, I don't appear to have that 'blazing IT intellect,' and I just don't feel that anyone really thinks I know anything worth listening to. Of course, I am sure it is not as bad as I make it out to be, but I sure end up thinking those thoughts more often than not during and after meetings.
Now, one might say, "But it's not good to just sit there quietly out of fear of being rejected/shot down." But why isn't it? If there is one thing I have learned more than anything in the corporate world, it is that even though they ask, most people don't really want other people's opinions. They already have their own idea of how something should be, or what is the "right way," and offering another opinion is seen as a challenge to their authority instead of an opportunity to exchange ideas. Of course, maybe it is me, and the way I present my thoughts. In any case, I am tired of changing jobs, and even though I said it before but failed to live up to it, this time, I am making a commitment to saying NOTHING at any of the meetings on the future - NOTHING! (TRIPPY - just as I wrote that word, James Hetfield spoke "Nothing," towards the end of 'King Nothing' on 98KUPD! Trip!) I think I have absolutely nothing to lose (nothing has ever come of any comment I have ever made at any meeting here), and a whole lot of serenity and peace to gain.
So, along with getting in shape, that is my new 'mental commitment' - to simply keep my mouth shut during meetings, unless asked something explicitly, at which point, I will try my best to simply say to the person asking, "I don't know - what do you think?" BAM! Off the hook, and no way to be shot down (at least none that I can see). I need to - I MUST - adhere to this commitment. It will be a good learning experience too - there is much to be learned from silence Here is my new motto, from the Bible of all places :
Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding - Proverbs 17:28
'Nuff said.
And that, I think, is the root of my trouble - that I just want to hear myself talk to think I am important, because I know that whatever I say is not going to matter. I have not worked here that long, and unlike Adam, I don't appear to have that 'blazing IT intellect,' and I just don't feel that anyone really thinks I know anything worth listening to. Of course, I am sure it is not as bad as I make it out to be, but I sure end up thinking those thoughts more often than not during and after meetings.
Now, one might say, "But it's not good to just sit there quietly out of fear of being rejected/shot down." But why isn't it? If there is one thing I have learned more than anything in the corporate world, it is that even though they ask, most people don't really want other people's opinions. They already have their own idea of how something should be, or what is the "right way," and offering another opinion is seen as a challenge to their authority instead of an opportunity to exchange ideas. Of course, maybe it is me, and the way I present my thoughts. In any case, I am tired of changing jobs, and even though I said it before but failed to live up to it, this time, I am making a commitment to saying NOTHING at any of the meetings on the future - NOTHING! (TRIPPY - just as I wrote that word, James Hetfield spoke "Nothing," towards the end of 'King Nothing' on 98KUPD! Trip!) I think I have absolutely nothing to lose (nothing has ever come of any comment I have ever made at any meeting here), and a whole lot of serenity and peace to gain.
So, along with getting in shape, that is my new 'mental commitment' - to simply keep my mouth shut during meetings, unless asked something explicitly, at which point, I will try my best to simply say to the person asking, "I don't know - what do you think?" BAM! Off the hook, and no way to be shot down (at least none that I can see). I need to - I MUST - adhere to this commitment. It will be a good learning experience too - there is much to be learned from silence Here is my new motto, from the Bible of all places :
Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding - Proverbs 17:28
'Nuff said.
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