...And a crappier Monday, or No Mas

I am done writing these entries about Galen, and how "wonderful" he seems to be doing, because every time I do, it is inevitably followed by another post telling how he has fucked up again. And so is this case this time. Yesterday - ah, you know what, I don't even want to waste the words on this shit anymore. Suffice it to say that he ditched 7th hour yesterday, and as a reasoning, said that he "didn't feel like going." Nice. I don't feel like feeding his sorry ass either, but I do.

I was going to take today off so I could go to the courts and find out what I need to do to either have him declared incorrigible, or at least protect myself from getting fined. But, I am on call this week, so I can't really do that. Instead, I am going to go to his school since it is so close and give all his past academic records to the social worker as he requested, and ask him what kind of trouble I can get in if Galen continues to miss school.

You know, part of me wants to say (and truly is saying) "I just don't deserve this." Then there is the AA part of me that says "if I got what I deserved, I'd be dead." Then there is another part of me that says, " ..." I don't know what it says. I guess it says something like "I was never this much trouble to my mom in high school, and my mom was out drinking half the time, or playing lovey-lovey with Bob Barber for God's sake. This kid has it easy compared to me - what's his fucking problem?"

In the end, I guess none of that is really productive. It is what it is, and I have to accept it and deal with it here and now. I can say that as much as I love Galen, I really don't like him anymore, and can't stand to think of all the lies and mnaipulation that he weaves. And I need to be strong from here on it and NOT GIVE IN when it comes to doing nice things for him. He is such a little manipulator. He will be sweet as sugar to get what he wants. Then, after he does, all bets are off, and he is back to being a smartass asshole. Ugh.

I am grateful that I have friends - both in the Program and not - that I can lean on and talk to. And I am grateful that I have a pretty strong spiritual foundation. I know all of this is impermanent, and it will pass. I only need to maitain some kind of patience, compassion and love, and all will be well eventually. I just need to breathe - ahhhhhhhhh............