What goes up....

Just as with so many things in life, what seemed to be going perfectly well - maybe too well to believe even - took a turn into the shitpile today, and I am none too happy about it. I am talking about work, and it seems like over the past week, I have gone from loving my job and the people I work with to just liking the job, and being downright pissed with a number of the people I work with. I'll start with the most immediate and pressing issue first - Al chewing my ass today for something stupid.

Last week, before Erik R left on PTO, he gave me a quick run through of a POS app that is his responsibility - LIEN - and told me how to fix the issues that might come up. So yesterday, I started getting emails about an issue with it. I did what he told me to do, and even got the DBA (Dwight) involved, but nothing seemed to work. I found out from Adam that he had worked with Erik on it, and he offered to help out too. All seemingly harmless, right? Right.

So today, a customer emails Adam asking him what is going on, and copied Al on it. Al sent Adam a reply asking why he was working on it when I should be since I was the backup. I sent an email explaining how Adam was helping me out. Al asked what was going on, and I sent him an email stating that maybe there was something Erik did that we were not aware of, and that he needs to provide better documentation before he goes on PTO next time. After that, I get an email from Al stating "Let's Talk!"

I go into his office, and he looks pissed, tells me to close the door. He started angrily asking me "what this is?" about my email. I looked and him and said, "Hunh?" He went on to explain that he didn't like the way I "threw Erik under the bus," and talking about how we were all a team, and asking if I was part of the team. He asked me what I would think if I got an email about me like the one I sent about Erik, and I said "I think I would need to create some documentation." He seemed WAY more pissed off than I would ever imagined anyone would be about it, and I was pretty confused. I kept telling him that I didn't mean to 'throw Erik under the bus,' that I was a team player and that I liked Erik. But he didn't want to hear it. He then went into the whole "I'm the boss" gig, stating how I needn't worry about what Jennifer, or the customers, or anyone else thinks - that he is the one who writes my reviews and can hire/fire me - not any of them.

So, I did the only thing I knew to do which was to keep apologizing, stating that I didn't mean it the way he was interpreting it, and promising not to do it (whatever the fuck "it" was) again. He then went on to say that the real issue is that some people on our team are 'sensitive,' and always looking for the negative, and that Erik was such a person, and that I needed to be more sensitive to other people's sensitivity (really? on this team?). I told him that I thought he wanted me to be more thick skinned, and he reiterated that some people - like Erik (in his opinion) aren't. I found this all very hard to believe, but relented, apologized, and promised to be more "sensitive" in the future. To be honest, I still don't understand what he was so pissed about. It was like he was Erik's big brother, and I had been caught making fun of Erik.

I swear, it is so hard to understand the dynamics of this team sometimes. In one moment, it seems that he wants me to be cocky and thick-skinned, willing to make the decisions that count - and in the next, to be hyper-sensitive to the feelings of the other team members. Which would not all be so weird, if he weren't the person he is, and Erik wasn't the person he is - I just don't see Erik as the sensitive, emotional type who needs protection against hurt feelings by Al. And even if he is, the email I sent was nothing derogatory about Erik, so I don't know what the fuck was up with that whole situation. I know one thing though - I am not a happy fucking camper now, that's for sure.

And I am frustrated with Jamie, as it seems he ignores about 60% of everything that I send him in IM's, which I am getting sick of. Then, at the happy hour Friday night, everybody went about their hobnobbing with other people, and I ended up feeling very abandoned and out of place. So I am not real happy with all of them - DV, Mac, and Jamie - either. They spent all week saying how they would 'take me under their wing...' - yeah, right. But this part is pretty whiny of me, because I knew going in that I was taking a risk going to a bar and that I probably wouldn't be comfortable. Kudos to me for at least giving it a shot.

Then, in the meeting today, I tried to make a comment about this new thing they are implementing (cute editor) and was summarily dismissed. It seems like anytime I have ever made a comment in a meeting, it pretty much gets ignored. So I am going to take a page out of John Ybarra's playbook (he's been here like 30 years) and just sit quietly in meetings with my mouth shut and a smile on my face. Everyone in my family tells me how 'smart' I am, but it only seems to get me in trouble. And to be honest, I don't even feel that smart anymore. Whatever passion and ambition I had is gone, and I am just trying to be the best, most obedient slave I can. Got bills to pay and mouths to feed.

What does all this mean? Not a fucking thing, except THANK GOD IT'S A 3 DAY WEEK! I need the time away, getting sick of the place that I love so much. Kinda' like the best friend you spend every day with in the summer time - by about the 5th week, you are arguing like crazy and want to kill each other. But it's never anything a couple days apart can't solve. At least that's what I am telling myself.