November Updates

Ok – so I have just GOT to take a break (I already have been, but apparently it wasn’t the right kind! Lol) from this monotonous coding I am doing. Somehow, we – I – got roped into doing a reporting application for this project called “BEAT,” and it has been extremely tedious, to say the least. I thought a couple of times that I would get out of it, as it has been the motto of the TES Dev team that “we don’t do reports” ever since I got here. But alas, all attempts to get someone else on another team to do them have failed, and I am stuck with them. Yay. I so love report writing/building. NOT! At least I am learning some things though, so that is good.


I am writing this in Word with the intentions of emailing it to myself so I can then post in on my blog – my ‘journal’ blog – which I have not posted to in some time. I have to go through all this rigmarole because they have blocked all Blogspot sites now at work – dang it all anyway! And, when I have been posting, I have been doing so to my latest blog, “108 Bows”, keeping track of the daily bows and my thoughts on them. That has been a great experience, and I am really glad I ran across them.

I thought that I probably ought to catch up a bit though on life stuff, as I haven’t done so for some time. Nothing has really changed. All done! Ha ha! In actuality, there has not been a lot of outward change, except of course for one big thing : I am dipping my toes back into the dating waters again. I had resolved to basically give up, but once again Diana convinced me (not so much convinced as successfully encouraged) to get back out there again. And so, I did just that – this time trying out yet another completely different site, OkCupid. It is one that Mike had recommended to me awhile back, but I actually ran across it doing a Google search for free dating sites. I put up a profile, and have been on there for like a month now…?

At first, it was EXTREMELY slow going. I tried some different things – changed my profile around, added some different pics, etc – and finally started getting some responses. This last Friday, I had my first meeting with someone – a woman named Pam. I had actually set up a meeting with another woman named Bunny on Friday night, but because it seemed like I would have much more in common with Pam, and the email convo seemed much livelier, I cancelled with Bunny and met Pam instead. She was sweet, but as often has happened, she was a little thicker than I prefer, particularly in the stomach area. I really do try to give everyone a shot and to be as nonjudgmental as possible. But I just am not attracted to women with big bellies. And now that I have lost so much weight, and am “Lean and mean,” I don’t consider myself hypocritical in saying that. As far as Bunny goes, she seemed a little ‘off’ to me, like very non-humorous, and maybe a bit dreary, so I don’t think I will be meeting her.

A very interesting prospect has arisen though – one I am very hopeful about. They have this ‘match rating ‘ thing on OkC where they send you a message with the images of 9 women, saying that one of them gave you(me) a good rating, and inviting me to rate all of the women whose images are attached. Then, if I rate one of the women who gave me a high rating (without knowing which woman has done that), they send an email to that woman letting her know that I gave her a high rating too. It actually is a pretty cool system, and I like the “mystery” part of it. It’s like a gameshow – not knowing which woman out of all of them may have rated me highly… kinda’ fun!

So anyway, I got one of those things, and went through rating the ladies. When I was finished, I checked my messages, and got a notification that a woman with the username ((( tn_3ogirl…? ))) rated me 4 or 5 stars too. When I looked back over her profile, she sounded sweet, and looked VERY cute to boot. Also, it looked like she was in good shape – BONUS! So I sent her a message, and we have been emailing the past 2 or 3 days. The pattern so far has been that I send her an email, she responds in the evening, and then I send her another one, etc, basically, just sending each other one a day. And this time, I am taking my time, and letting her control that pace – not sending like 10 a day, or asking if we can meet yet, or exchanging phone numbers – just taking it easy. I think the reason I can, and am doing that this time is that she seems like such a high quality prospect. For starters, she mentions right in her profile that she was raised in the South, with proper manners, and still says “please” and “thank you”; 2 big bonuses there – the politeness, and the southern accent (sexy!). On top of that, she displays good grammar, spelling and content in her emails (says Professor of English, Dr Wood! Lol) She always answers all of my questions, adds comments that relate to it regarding her, and then asks me questions in return. And to top it all off, she is very gracious, mentions that she looks forward to hearing back from me, and has made some sweet little compliments/comments that let me know she is interested (likes my smile, sais something to the effect that “all the good guys come from that part of town” in reference to where I live). So we’ll see what happens.

The one thing I am trying to really focus on this time is NOT SCREWING IT UP! Ha ha. That might sound like a no-brainer, but for me, has actually been very challenging, esp. when dealing with someone I have a deep interest in. I tended to go too far too quick, too seriously, and forget to take my time. I tended to forget that this part of getting to know each other can be fun, and doesn’t need to be rushed through to get to the part where we are dating. And I often forgot that my communication style and frequency (frequency primarily) is different than most, and I can expect others to meet up to it only at my peril. I used past-tense for all of those terms because that is what I used to do, tendencies I USED to have – no more. I am changing. I am learning from my past experiences. I am growing in my relationship skills and I am capable of making good decisions. I think I am ready to be a good relationship partner for someone, and a good “dater”.

I am also keeping in mind that she – Debbie is her name – is not necessarily “the one”. She could drop all communication today. I could end up never meeting her F2F. We could meet, and find out that there is no chemistry. We could meet, go out on a few dates, and then find that out, like what happened with Patricia. All of these things are possible, and statistically speaking much more likely than the possibility that she is “the one.” That is not to say that she couldn’t be – it is just to say that I will not be doing myself, her, or anyone else any favors by thinking and acting as if she is…

Wow, I just became fully conscious of what I am writing, and thought to myself “Right on Kevin! You/I am learning! Way to go!” It’s cool to have thoughts and realizations like that – it really is. I have been treating myself better too, literally. I went out this weekend and bought myself a really cool new faux leather jacket and some cool black casual shoes so I can look nice on dates. And you know what? I deserve it – I really do. I have worked hard – as a dad, as an employee, as a person in recovery, and as a human being trying to better himself. And for that, and everything in my life today, I am truly thankful : )