I have noticed lately that it seems with all the women I email regularly, or have in the past - e.g. Heather, Joanie, Barbara, Tina - really only email in response to something I write; they rarely ever send/sent an email just for the purpose of saying "hi" or to ask me what's up with me or tell me what's going on with them. The one person I can honestly say this does not apply to is Ty. She has always (or almost always) been good about either emailing me out of nowhere, or at least replying promptly. That is something else I have issues with too - emailing someone, and not getting a response for what seems like days. Of course, because of my unrealistic expectations, it only seems like days, and in reality is probably only hours.
I have had a bit of an 'awakening' today though - a moment of clarity, if you will : if I simply don't send people emails, either in my personal life or here at work (as there are people here too who take issue with the fact that I 'expect' prompt responses! Lol), then I don't have to be concerned with their response, because there can be none. If I do get an email from one of them, it is unsolicited, and can be viewed as a bit of a surprise, like "oh wow! How nice of (insert name here) to send me an email!""
Now for this to work of course, I have to NOT email any of those people. And for me, because I enjoy communicating, and on a more selfish level probably, want to get a response. it is hard for me not to email. Because with most of those women, if I don't/didn't send one of them something, it could be a very long time (for me), before I heard from them - if ever at all. And therein lies my challenge : to be ok with not getting any emails from any women - be they friends, potential dating partners, or even pen pals. As I said before, I am not including Ty in all this, as we seem to have some total connection, understanding and completely similar ideas about what communication between friends "should" look like.
It's funny - I was thinking last night how much I miss texting in a flirting way with someone too. I guess that is another aspect of this too. It's nice to have someone to flirt with. I think that is one of the things I miss the most about having an intimate partner - the flirting, sexting, and so on. Oh well. I should probably just let that whole thought process go for now.
It doesn't do any good to dwell on it really, because I am not doing anything to actually find someone, and I have no plans on doing so anytime soon. I have actually popped into PlentyOfFish and a few other sites lately, and after about 20 seconds, I think "bleh", and navigate away. I am still burnt out on the whole process. And it seems that when I look at the pics, I just see all the same women - similar wants, similar stories, similar descriptions, etc... To which, I say "blah blah blahhh....."
I think the key is to just not go from where I am now "down the rabbit hole" (as Diana says! Ha ha) that leads to the whole spiral of negative self talk and hopelessness that I always seem to find myself engaging in after a time. But this time, I am hoping to avoid that pitfall, and remain in the state of acceptance I am in at this very moment : grateful to be alive and sober; aware of the many benefits of being single; and taking comfort in the fact that just because I am single now doesn't mean I will always be. It is what it is for now - nothing more, nothing less. And things are good now. They really are. I just need to remember and hold on to that : )
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