I went over and saw Mom last night, as she had told me that she has come to the decision to put Charlie Brown down. He has had blood in his urine for a while now, and Mom had taken him into the vet to find out what was wrong. They seem to think that he might have some kind of tumor, and it is causing him to be unable to pee. From what mom said, he hasn't had a good urinary movement in some time now. So, rather than let him suffer with the pain of having the urine back up into his kidneys and poison his whole system, Mom had decided to put him down. She asked if I would come over and see him last night to see what I thought, and to say goodbye.
I could tell by looking at him that he wasn't feeling well at all. He just wasn't himself. I sat down on the floor, and typically whenever I do that, he is right there, hamming it up and laying in my lap so he can get a full-on belly rubber. But instead, he sat in front of me, looking uncomfortable, as if there was no position that would offer relief. I sat on the couch with him for awhile, and tried to get him to give me kisses, but he would not; it was as if he was saying goodbye, and didn't want to make it any harder. He has never, ever gone without giving me kisses - but he did last night. We took some pictures for posterity, and Mom said that she would probably take him in today to have him put down.
I know it is going to be devastating to Mom. She and Charlie have been best buds since we moved out in 2006, and she really loved that little dog. And to be honest, who didn't? He truly was the best behaved, best mannered, most loving and loveable dog I have ever know - a true one of a kind. I am not sure how Mom is going to cope - this has been such a hard year for her. First, a good friend's daugther is killed in a car accident. Then, her aunt comes down with cancer. Now, her best friend is going to go away. And this is all on top of Dad, Karen, Sharon (mom's friend), and Desi dying in the last 3 years.
I am sad too, but not as much as Mom is. I think I have really taken my new philosophy to heart, and perhaps I will come off as being a cold person. But I need to do what I need to do to survive, and not go insane or kill myself. And so it seems that this is the lesser of 2 evils for me. I am becoming that which I always detested - again. It seems that this is not the first time that I have written these words.
I will truly miss my little Boo Boo, and I know that this world is losing a little bit more of what made it bearable today - at least for me, and I suspect, my Mom. We must go on, but we will never forget you Charlie Brown. Thanks for sharing yourself with us - may we meet again someday...
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