Well, I guess it has been almost 2 weeks now since I brought Galen over to his mom and Kenny's. I must say it has been pretty peaceful at home. Although I would be lying if I said I didn't feel a littlt bit of grief about it. It does seem rather weird for him not to be there. I haven't even talked to him at all. In fact, I was just discussing that with Jamie and Dave at lunch, and Dave actually suggested that I probably should at least check in with him to let him know that I still love him, and that I haven't abandoned him like his mom did. I think I will take him up on that advice and see if I can chat with him a bit tonight. Of course, he may not want to talk to me, and that is a possibility I will have to be ready for too.
Let's see, what else is happening. Not much of anything really. It seems I have succeeded in distancing myself from just about eveyone I used to associate with in the program. I haven't gotten an email (personal) or call from anyone for some time. I did get a message from Lisa Davis last weekend mentioning something about wanting to invite the kids and me to a party she is having, but I didn' return her call. I guess it seems a little hypocritical to me - she hasn't invited any of us to anything in a very long time, and I really don't want her to do it out of sympathy either, which I think is/ would be the case.
I was going to write a question, as to whether or not I am ok with my new, non-socializing place of being, BUT, I am not really in a place like that - I am just not socializing with the people I used to. I am going to new meetings - I found a good Al Anon at a place really close to where we live, and an AA meeting that I like on Friday night that is also close. I am hoping to find an early week meeting, to fill in the gap between Friday and the next Thursday, but haven't found one I really like yet. I will keep looking though. I am looking forward to the meeting tonight (it is a Big Book meeting too, which is always good), especially considering the fact that I missed my Al Anon meeting because I thought it started at 7pm, when in reality it started at 6 - I got there just as it was ending - d'oh!
Work is going really well, and they are keeping me very busy, which we know is a great thing for me. I am also enjoying the friendships I have built here, particularly with Jamie and Dave. We have become pretty good buds, and I have a lot of fun with them. I have shared a lot about my life with them as they have with me, and it is great to have someone to talk to at work. I think I might actually make it to my 2 year anniverary here, which would be quite an accomplishment for me!
As far as my personal life, it is still pretty blah. I have been spending more time with mom lately, and I guess that is not a bad thing. We are going to spend the day together tomorrow and take the light rail down to the science museum. It should be fun. I have no desire to date, or even try to now, and have completely given up on even the thought of being with anyone right now. I am working on not letting it get me down, and just accepting it as it is. It is a little hard for me, but I think I am getting better. I think what really gets me is the fact that all of my ex's are in happy relationships now - Sam is still with Kenny (of course I wouldn't want her back anyway, but that's not the point), Marci is married to Burton, and Tina is planning on getting married to her boyfriend Andrew.
So everyone else has someone new in their lives - everyone but me. And I am trying to avoid the whole "pity party" aspect of that fact, and just accept it. I used to tell myself, "well, God has someone really special for me, and that's why I have to wait." But that may not be the truth, and there is no use in deluding myself by telling myself that, beause what if it never happens? What if I end up like my Uncle Davey, or my mom? I don't want to blame some higher power/God for that, and destroy any faith or hope I might have. And it is not healthy for me to blame myself and think that I am a loser either. So I will take a really old school view of it, and just consider that the fates don't have it in the cards for me right now, and may never have it.
I finished "Learned Optimism" (it was pretty good) and now am continuing on with "Food for the Heart," another Buddhist work. Realizing that most everything here is samsara helps quite a bit; knowing that suffering is part of life, and indeed is natural is very freeing. It lets me know that I am still alive - like it or not!
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