The "Year in Dating in Review"

Wow, that was interesting. I was just looking back over some of my posts from the last2 or 3 months, and realizing how many different women I have met, and just how many of them I thought might work into actual 'partners.' It was actually kinda' funny - I guess I am a bit of a sap when it comes to the ladies! Lol. I tend to make some judgments and decisions very quickly, and determine after the first meeting whether or not there might be something worth pursuing or not. But I guess I should start at the start, what got me to looking over my past posts in the first place.

I think I recounted how things basically 'blew up' with Barbara. I realize that I really jumped in head first, and probably acted like a crazy person. But in my defense, I honestly felt like there was something above and beyond just attraction working - a kind of cosmic connection - and I got very caught up in it. I had to laugh when I re-read her journal entry, as she seemed to be asking herself something to the effect of "why is it that when we get what we asked for, we are afraid of it?". I think that's exactly what happened : that the universe delivered for her, but she wasn't really ready for it. At least that's my perspective. Anyhoo, on with the story.

So, having basically shut things down with Barbara, and cooled them to a chill with Pattie, I started thinking about possibly pursuing some other women on POF, but wasn't really excited at that possibility. Then, I remembered - I had already met someone who was very sweet, very pretty, warm and fun to talk to - Marj. I put things on the shelf with her after I met Pattie, in larger part because it took her so long to get back to me. But things were not left in such a manner as to close any doors. In fact, in the last email or 2 I received from her at that time, she said if I ever wanted to talk or anything, to feel free to contact her.

So Friday, I sent her a text saying 'hello,' and stating that if she wasn't seeing anyone yet, I would love to meet up with and talk to her. I was half-expecting her to either say she had met someone, or "thanks, but no thanks." To my pleasant surprise, she didn't say either of those things. She said that she had been taking a break from POF (cool), spending a lot of time at the gym (very cool), and that she would like to talk some more (awesomely cool!). We texted back and forth a bit and settled on meeting Tuesday (tomorrow) night at 7pm. It will be interesting to see how it goes. I have thought how it must be a little weird for her, with me having passed by her to date Patricia, and then coming back around.

I hope that doesn't cause her to feel too weird though, because it was really a matter of timing more than anything else. I actually think (oh boy, here I go again! Ha ha! After reading back over my last several 'dating' posts, I realized that I have said what I am about to say about almost ALL of the ladies I have dated recently! LOL!) that she has the greatest collection of positive traits that I am looking for, and the least amount of negative ones. I am NOT going to go all bananas and say "This is it! She's really THE ONE!" because I don't know that, and I will look like a heel if I do.

I will say that she is very sweet, that she is very attractive, and that I am looking forward to talking with her again. We'll see how - and where - it goes. Something tells me she is more romantic and affectionate than Barbara was, and more gentle than Pattie was. That was one thing about Pattie that was a pretty big turn off for me : the way that, when we kissed, it seemed like she was trying to literally 'crawl into' my mouth, or meld our lips together by pressing them together so hard that they fused! Lol. She was a little too aggressive, a little too rough for me.

I think this time, I am going to pray and meditate about this meeting with Marj before I actually go on it (imagine that!). I really want to take it easy, and let God, the universe, the spirit of patience lead the way. I am recognizing my tendency to just dive in. And while it's all well and good to be a "romantic", the whole process of breaking people's hearts - including my own - after only one or 2 dates, well - that's just not necessary. I need guidance - divine guidance - on this one, and I am finally going to seek it :)

A breakthrough - maybe

I had to add the little "maybe" to the end of my title there, because if there is anything I have learned in the dating game this far - at least the Internet one anyway - it is to never be too certain of anything. What seems like a sure thing can be a mirage, and counting on something to work out well can be setting myself up for disappointment. I need to remind myself of these things not to be negative and pessimistic about it, but to keep my feet firmly planted on the ground and not get my expectations up too high as I have so often done in the past when it comes to dating. Ok - now that we've covered that, on to the "meat" of this post...

So Saturday, I went and met this woman at Unlimited Coffee that I met through POF. We had been messaging back and forth, and she mentioned that she was working on a business plan, and that she needed someone to help her with a website. I had told her about me being a developer, and she mentioned that maybe we could meet up some time to talk about it. I thought that was awesome, as it provided an in, BUT, I was also hesitant, because I thought maybe that's all she wanted to meet for - to talk about the website, and that there was no real interest in me as a dating possibility.

We met Saturday at 2pm, and to my relief, we started talking about all kinds of stuff right off the bat. I found her to be very attractive (especially considering my "type") and I couldn't help but think how much she reminded me of Tina, especially the way her hair was. I was, and am, very attracted to her. The conversation flowed very easily, and it was pretty evident that this woman is very intelligent, very self-aware, and totally comfortable with herself. We talked about everything from kids, to quantum physics, to Freud, philosophy and dreams. After about 2 and a half hours, she said she should really get going, and I thought I ought too as well. As she getting her stuff packed, I asked her if there was any chance we might be able to go on an actual date sometime, to which she replied "Sure! Where do you want to go?"

I was actually a little flabbergasted, partly because I really didn't expect her to say yes (I couldn't completely read her, and Lord knows I have read women wrong before!) and partly because I was so attracted to her, that I was ecstatic inside, and caught in the moment - that glorious "Yes" moment that us single people live for. I told that I thought we could do just about anything and enjoy it because of the great convo we had and that I would think it over. She said ok and asked (actually, kind of 'directed') me to walk her to her car, which I thought was awesome. She gave me a nice hug, and I walked home pretty stoked about it all.

But not ecstatic, and I was - and am - glad about that.Too many times I have gotten SOOOO excited after a first meeting, that I totally set myself for a heart-wrenching disappointment if things didn't work out. Or, on the flip side, I sucked a woman in very close to me because of my passion, only to find out later that the initial excitement I felt in the beginning was just that - initial excitement - and that after a couple of weeks, I wasn't so excited to be with the person anymore. So it isn't really being pessimistic for me, which is something I really try to avoid because of how my mom is - it is being realistic, maintaining balance, and keeping my priorities straight instead of letting the obsession take hold of me. Wow - did I just right that? More importantly - did I MEAN it? I think I did! Yippeeeee!

So there is an opportunity on the horizon. And I am looking forward to exploring it, keeping in mind that the exploration may turn up a wonderful find, a treasure of untold value; and then again, the exploration may turn up something completely different. The important thing is to simply enjoy the exploration for what it is, knowing that someday, when the time is right, and the Universe/my HP determines that both of us are ready, I will meet that "special someone", and she will meet me. Is Wendy that person? I don't know. But I am going to let time by the instrument by which that is determined, and not my codependent obsessiveness. And I am going to let my HP be the 'decider' of that instead of my 'broken picker'. I am going to be patient, trusting, and easy on myself. And you know what? It's about time! Lol :)P

Following my own rules

I am sitting here trying, with all my strength, to avoid emailing or texting Dana. I sent her a couple of texts yesterday afternoon after exchanging emails in the morning and received some pretty short, curt replies. I didn't hear anything from her after the last one, at about 5pm or so, so I decided to just lay off a bit and not contact her again until she shows some interest from her end. It turns out that is much harder than I thought it would, or should be! Lol

But I am sticking to my guns so far. I have gone into my gmail about 5 times so far, thinking I would just send her a little "hello" and clarify to see what her expectations of communication are. But each time, I have stopped and reminded myself of my own rules. And each time, I have successfully avoided sending her anything. For me, this is a HUGE victory too. I guess for a lot of people, it would seem like no big deal. But for someone as desperate and codependent as I have been, it is major progress indeed.

As I was walking to the laundromat last night, trying to convince myself that I wasn't even really thinking about her (Dana), I realized that I was actually obsessing about it, her. I could not stop thinking about why she wasn't contacting me; wondering if she was pursuing someone else; thinking that she wasn't really that into me. And then I stopped for a minute, and thought that this was all crazy - to be so concerned with some woman that I barely know. I reminded myself that I am very happy with my life right now, and that I don't NEED someone. I reminded myself that I am a great guy, and that when we meet, I may not even be attracted to her anyway. I was simply giving her, giving the situation, WAY too much power over me.

It was a really freeing, refreshing realization. And even though I have had to struggle against my base instinct, which is to grasp for her by sending more emails or texts today, the good thing is that I can now see that desperate part of myself, and I am not allowing it to control me. Just like my addiction to drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, etc. I am seeing this as an addiction, obsessive behavior. And admitting it, being aware of it, and working to change that behavior is where the recovery from it lies.

So will I send her an email? No, I will not. Will I send her a text? No, I will not. In fact, if she does nothing to contact me before tomorrow, I will only email or text her tomorrow afternoon to make sure we are still on to meet at 6 simply for the fact that I don't want to waste the gas or the time. Fact is, I am a good guy, in good shape, working hard to improve myself mentally, spiritually, and physically, and I will not be desperate anymore. I look good for my age - for any age - and I am not going to sell myself short or disrespect myself by being "desperate." Someone out there should be desperate to be with me! Lol! I love myself now, and I am going to start treating myself like it. I am not some reject, some flawed, defective man who desperately needs someone to like him - I am not that. I am a good looling, smart, funny, caring individual in kick ass shape, and somewhere out there is a woman who will see and appreciate that - or maybe not.

And if there isn't one, if I must spend the rest of my life with no female partner, well, then I will just have to learn to do so with grace, love, humility and acceptance. Because I will simply not allow myself to settle for just anything, or anyone, out of desperation. I will honor and respect who and what I am in all things I do. And for that, for that awareness I am thankful : )

Am I following my rules...?

I just got done changing the template of my blog back to what it originally was - minima lefty, I think. I tried another one, I think it was "The Scribe," but I like this one better.

So I have been corresponding with Michele quite a bit over the last 3 or 4 days, and it has been a lot of fun. She seems - I almost wrote "she seems like a nice ladt," but that sounds so generic, and doesn't really capture the essence I want to capture. She is a redhead, and like the old saying goes, she really is quite fiery! Maybe not so much as far as like being sexy/sensual (not yet anyway) but very much so in being independent, outspoken, and - what's the word for it? I guess just plain old fiery! There are some people at her work that torque her off, and she tells it just like it is. She really cracks me up.

It is obvious that she is very independent and definitely her own woman. She doesn't want to be, and isn't, dependent on some man. She knows what she wants and doesn't mince words. She's not afraid to throw a curse word out when it is needed, but isn't completely vulgar. And I am really enjoying our correspondence. She doesn't communicate quite as prolifically as someone like Ty, but I am ok with that now. She also comes off as a little cold, or maybe hesitant to get to flirty or intimate right off the bat, and I am ok with that too. In fact, it fits in perfectly with my new rules.

We are set to meet f2f for the first time this Monday for brunch or something. I am looking forward to it, and trying to remember at the same time to just enjoy it for what it is - a first meeting with a woman - and not pick out the ring and book the church 5 mins after meeting! Ha ha! Sounds crazy, but I honestly think that's where my head goes sometimes when first meeting a woman, especially if I am attracted to her.

WE (Galen, Tessi and I) are headed up to Dogtown Reservoir north of Williams this weekend to go camping with M & K, her parents, and big group of their friends they always go camping with. It should be fun. We are leaving tomorrow morning, and while they will all stay longer, we will be coming back Sunday afternoon. I can't stand fighting the traffic that will inevtiably exist on Monday, and besides - I have a hot date to get back to now ; ) Or so I hope anyway.

Ok - now I have to find something else to do to kill some time - only 3 and half more hours to go!!! Lol

Uhhh... it's Monday (or Kev's Rules for Dating)

Yeahh.... that's all I could really think of for a title, cuz, well - it's Monday! I had a nice weekend this weekend. The weather was absolutely gorgeous, and I got some nice riding in. Got a new tire Saturday, went out to Cherry Blossom Noodle cafe with Tori Saturday night, went to see Macgruber with Galen and Derek yesterday, and emailed with some lady I met on plentyoffish.com who actually sent me her phone number and asked if I'd like to talk sometime - score! ha ha! I am reminding myself this time though, before it EVEN gets started, GO SLLLOOWWWWWW Kevin... easy boy.

She does seem sweet, and ironically enough, her name is Michele, with one 'L'. She has one - well, 2 things really going for her right off the bat : 1, she is a redhead, and for whatever reason, I have really developed this thing for redheads, and 2, she is like 45 years old - older lady, and I have ALWAYS preferred older women. So we'll see what happens. I am not going to go getting my hopes all up though. I think - God, please tell me! - that I have learned my lesson(s) about all this dating stuff. Here are some things I need to remember, "Kevin's New Guidelines/Rules/Reminders for Dating" if you will :

1. Don't fall in love and go obsessive with the first woman who makes contact, or I make contact with.
2. Don't seem too desperate, and send a million communications off the bat - give the woman some chances to make her move too. The chase is good for both.
3. Don't divulge too much on a first date - leave something for the next date, if there is one.
4. GO SLOW - there's no need to rush into a committed relationship after one date, EVEN IF SHE WANTS TO.
5. REMEMBER STEP 4, EVEN IF THE OPPORTUNITY TO HAVE SEX PRESENTS ITSELF. The sex might be great, but will be temporary, and could mess up future chances.
6. Don't make the mistake of thinking that the conditions that exist in the beginning of a relationship - the constant texting and emailing, the excitement, the enthusiasm - will continue with the same intensity as the relationship proceeds.
7. Don't say "I love you" too soon, even if the woman says it first (NOTE: I need to think of some smart method of responding to such a situation that neither misleads the woman, nor misleads her... hmmmmm...)

That's all I can think of for now, but this will be an ever-expanding list I am sure. In fact, I think I will see if I can make a "widget" out of it so it can be presented at all times on my blog. I need to see it, and see it often!

Today is a great day - and that's all I have to say about that : )