The year of my battered self-esteem (as far as the career goes anyway)

As good as this year has been in some respects - mainly, my relationship with Debbie - it has been incredibly difficult in other areas, particularly as far as my self-confidence in my professional abilities goes. I suppose I ought to give the "rundown/"

I think it really started when I was still at Banner, and a lady who was a bigwig in payroll or something lit into me in a meeting about the Better Together campaign after it was over regarding some issues that surfaced. Her name was Lisa Davis I think, and in a meeting with her, Camille Horn, Jennifer and Dawn, she RIPPED me, basically calling me out and blaming all of the issues on me. I was really expecting someone to stand up for me and defend me, especially after all I had done to ensure the success of the campaign. But that did not happen. I was basically left sitting there, getting ripped, and it felt horrible. My boss Al said that I shouldn't worry about it, that she didn't write my reviews, but it still stung.

I ended up leaving Banner for what I thought were "greener fields" at a company called Black, Gould and Associates. And right up until they told me I wasn't the "type pf person they needed," I thought things were going great - or at least well. Then, one Friday, Cindy called me into her office and asked me how I thought I was doing (I had been there 2 months at that time). I told her that, all things considered, I thought I was doign well. She then proceeded to tell me that she had different thoughts, that they had expected more from me, that they thought I was going to put all kinds of "bells and whistles" on their website, that I wasn't the "type of person they needed." I was totally taken aback, as they had given me no previous indication that they felt this way. She even brought Paul in to talk it over too, and he proceeded to basically tell me (in not so many words) that I was incompetent. That Monday, I was gone.

And I remained unemployed for an unprecedented 5 weeks. It turned out that while I thought I was quite a hot commodity, and that the skills I had learned were very valuable, I seemed to be lacking a LOT of skills that employers want. I went on a number of interviews and started to wonder if I was going to get a job at all. There were a couple of times when I really struggled to keep at it, to keep looking. But it seems that the Universe was looking out for me, and out of nowhere, I got an email from an internal recruiter from the company I now work for - Sage. And within 3 days of getting that email, I had been offered, and accepted a position.

So all is well, right? I feel good now, right? Well.... For starters, the software product I am working on is very large and complex, and it is really shedding light on some areas I don't know much about - TFS, unit testing, release builds, Q and A, etc. I am used to building websites which are pre-compiled and then published to a web server. And this is a WHOLE different animal. A bigger, more complex animal. And one that has behaviors and systems I have not seen before, like it's own IDE that is used to build and deploy the website. But I have done fairly well (I think) at getting up to speed. That was, until I started this latest training class Monday.

It is supposed to be a 3 day class, taken online with a virtual PC to do the exercises, a chat client for questions for the instructor, and a series of videos along with a pdf workbook for learning. I started yesterday, and worked steadily through the day, only to find that I had fallen a little behind the agenda. Not to worry, as they (the instructors) said that the agenda was merely a "guideline". Cool, I would catch up today I thought.

And then, shortly after completing the next exercise or 2, I ran into a major issue - the web page that I had been working on, and desperately needed to display, wouldn't : it kept saying something about a missing resource file. So I told Jason, the trainer, and he told me to close and reopen my browser. I did - no luck. He told me to delete all the files in the local www directory for the site I did - no luck. I told him, and he said to simply "delete the page", and that it shouldn't take that long. The page he was talking about had all kinds of stuff attached to it - there was no way I could just delete it. He didn't seem too concerned, and even got terse with me one time, saying "IISRESET" through chat. Not cool.

I got pretty stressed and pretty upset, as he basically told me he didn't know what happened. So I decided to do a restore back to a copy of the VFS that set me back about 4 hours, at least. I rushed through today after FINALLY getting the thing straightened out again, hoping to make up lost ground. But I could only do what I could do, and so I emailed Jason telling him that I was really behind and that I didn't know how I was going to finish the training. To which he replied, "I don't know what happened, but you need to finish the training and complete the assessment." Wow, thanks. Nice, I appreciate that.

Now what makes this all a little extra weird is the fact that he is an instructor at DeVry, and he knew of me, as I knew of him, although I had never taken any classes that he taught. I thought that might kind of add a bit of comraderie between us, but it seems like it is making him be a bit of an asshole - similar to the experience people have when they work for one of their parents - they are much harder on their kids than they are on others. I can't imagine he would be this way to some outside person taking the course.

And all that was enough. But then, in the chat window at the end of the day, some other guy is asking questions about the final project?!?! How in the HELL can that guy be that far already I'm asking myself...

CONTINUED - it's Friday now, I finally completed the course yesterday, and have been battling with depression and anxiety all week. I actually made an "emergency" appointment with Diana Tuesday night, and seemed to be doing a little better Wednesday. I came in and set to finishing up the workbook and project, working furiously, determined to get it done. And I did just that - cranked on getting it all completed. But when 3:30 Wednesday came around, and it looked like I was not going to get the hands-on portion done, I messaged Jason to let him know, and asked him what I should do. He asked me "so what's the plan," and I said the he could let me take the assessment without having completed the hands-on, considering that it says right in the workbook that the expectation may not be to actually finish it, but to submit a SOW and get it approved. I figured that given the technical difficulties I had, that would be fair.

BUT, that was not his thinking, and he proceeded to get a little snippy about it. I have the details save somewhere else, but suffice it to say that for some reason, he seemed to make it a very personal thing, made some rather terse comments, and even threatened to escalate to my manager. I was pretty blown away by all of it, as I thought this was supposed to be a TRAINING course, and that was how I approached it. But he made reference to the fact that I was an internal developer, and that's why he left me to figure out what happened on my own. He also said that was why he was "giving me more rope," and then got really defensive when I asked how a trainer would handle the situation (of facing major technical difficulties and falling behind as a result) if I were an outside customer.

So I stayed after work until about 5:30pm Wed night working on it after he agreed to leave the machine open for me, and had plans to even work on it at home. But the screen resolution would not allow me to see much of the VPC at all, and I sent him an email stating as much, asking if I could perhaps get on again Thursday morning to finish.

After all that, I was a little stressed and talked to Debbie about maybe going over to spend the night with her - thought maybe a little time with my sweetie would be comforting. But when I got there, and she opened the door, I could tell immediately that she was upset. Apparently, Emilee had let into her about me coming over, saying that she should have asked her about it first, that Debbie didn't listen to her, and that the relationship with me was going to end up just like the one with Fred did. I tried to convince her to not let it get to her, but I know how it is when someone upsets me like that - it's not as easy as just forgetting about it. She said that it wouldn't ruin the night though.

And it might not have. But for whatever reason, when we decided to head to bed, and Emilee finally emerged from the bedroom, I was triggered into a state of fear and depression. I almost felt like a kid again, like when my grandpa Everett was drunk, and I would get scared and try to avoid him. Needless to say, it wasn't a pleasant thing to go to sleep thinking, and it was a rough night.

Wow, this post could go on forever. But suffice it to say that I was very depressed yesterday, I think Jason basically told on me to my manager John, who came over and nicely (really) explained some things to me,I did finally finish the hands-on project, and I went to see Diana again last night. Today, I am feeling somewhat better, and though not 100%, am much better than I have been all week. I am still considering whether or not I want to stay in software development for my career, but that is a decision I can come to gradually now - I am through the "panic-get me the hell out of here" mode, which is a relief. And I went to lunch with a couple of the guys here today, Cameron and Michael, and that was nice, so that is cool.

Tomorrow morning, my AA homegroup is doing the hospitality at the Roundup at 7am, then the meeting at 8 after, and I plan on being there. Then, at 11am, I am going to DeVry to sit on a panel for an open house they are having. When I was really depressed yesterday, I sent Deena an email cancelling, as I didn't figure they would want someone there who was thinking of getting out of the field entirely. But I thought how selfish and inconsiderate that was and reconsidered. So I will be there at 10:45. I am supposed to take Tessi school shopping tomorrow afternoon, and of course will spend as much of the weekend as possible with Debbie.

I am hoping that it will be a nice weekend, filled with healing, and the company of loved ones. I am hoping that the worst of the depression and anxiety is behind me, and I can get back on track again - even if I do decide eventually to change career paths, and/or walk away from my condo (another thing I have been leaning towards). The thing is, I don't want to act impulsively out of fear like I used to. And by God's Grace, a good counsellor, AA, and my wonderful girlfriend (as well as a little bit coming from myself, and the tools I have learned), I was able to avoid doing that. I have to remember how huge that is for me, even now. Because I REALLY wanted to run - just run and hide. But I didn't. I'm still  here to face another day, and for that, I am grateful (ok, so I am not totally feeling that just yet - but I'm getting there! Lol)

The voice unheard

Today we have a meeting at work to go over results of an employee survey called "The Voice of the Employee" where we gave feedback about our job, our directors, etc. Typically, these things have been seen as a sham, because everyone just answers all 5's (where 5 is "everything is hunky dory) because if they don't, then we all have to come up with some kind of 'action plan' to address the things that need worked on. And because this basically just amounts to more work for everyone, and no one wants to do it, they just answer "everything's great." So, in essence, it is completely worthless.

This new survey replaced the old one we used to have, the Q12, and is supposed to somehow be better. I honestly don't think it will, can't see how it is really any different. And because Al is not so good at accepting constructive criticism - at least not in my personal experience - I think it is going to be absolutely pointless. I, for one, don't plan on saying a word. I have already had some negative experiences with him when I tried to voice my opinion about things, so I will speak only when facts are involved. To me, this is more like a "speak up so I can identify who likes me and thinks I'm great and who doesn't." If he was a good manager, and had good communication skills, it might be an actual feedback session where we all work together to figure out ways to improve processes and communication. But he is neither, so it won't be.

I think that after this one, if it goes like I think it is going to, I am going to send an email to a higher up and ask what the real point of these things is, and state my belief that they are a waste of time. I think someone needs to know, if for no other reason that to just be able to excuse myself from them because I find them so uncomfortable. We'll see though - maybe today will be different. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That's almost like thinking that maybe within the next month or 2 I will find some beautiful, wonderful woman to share a relationship with - HA HA HA HA HA! Lol!

Hey, it's better to laugh at this stuff and find some humor in it. Because to me, it's like wanting the sky to be green, and really not liking that it is blue : I can either scream and cry about it, making myself and everyone else miserable, be all bummed, hopeless and depressed about it feeling helpless, or I can just accept it and find the humor in the situation. For years, I wanted to be the "agent of change." And the only change it ever created was in the attitudes of people - usually my superiors - towards me, from good to bad. Today, I am ok with, as John Lennon said, "just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round, I really love to watch them roll...."

Can't focus

Ugh. I am trying to focus at work, and was doing fine until Galen started calling. First, he wanted to know how long his phone would be turned off. So I had to (didn't have to - I need to remember that) go into the whole lecture about privileges vs rights again and told him that when he decides to start going to class -and passing - again, I will decide to start paying the bill again. Then he calls again and asks me for how long he is grounded from the computer. Then he calls again and asks me if he can go to the central library - that there is someone there he wants to say "hi" to. This is like 2 hourse before I am supposed to pick him up. I told him no, and he started arguing with me about it. Joy joy.

I swear, sometimes I don't know know how, or even if, I am going to make it through this. I keep thinking, like Lloyd Bridges in Airplane, I picked a bad time in life to quit getting high. I mean, I'm sure smoking a big ol' fatty would take the edge right off for me. But of course with me, one thing always leads to another. And in this case, I would be tweaking again in no time. And that is not really someplace I want to go again. I think that was even more miserable than this. And I can't IMAGINE trying to do this subhuman.

Dear God, please just help me to make it through this day without losing my job, my mind, my cool or my samity. Amen.

Thoughts on meditation

Usually on Monday mornings, I post something about the previous weekend. But, there really wasn't much that happened of note this weekend. Tessi had Genesys come over to spend the night Saturday, and I took the girls swimming for a while Saturday afternoon. Sunday, the Cardinals played their first game of the season and won, which was awesome. I got a massage last night, which felt really good. And that's about it. Oh yeah - I got calls on both Saturday and Sunday about the Telecom Log, and had to sign in and fix some crap that crashed because of our server phx04019 crashing, AGAIN. It ALMOST ruined the Cardinals game, but thank God, didn't!

So about the title of this post - I was noticing this morning when I was meditating, or trying anyway, that it was EXTREMELY difficult to get my mind to quiet down. It's fascinating to me how sometimes, it is not all too hard to get into a state of deep meditation, where my mind is quiet, and I am really resonating with the sounds and vibrations of whatever CD I am listening to. Then other times, like this morning, I can't, for the life of me, get even 10 seconds of "chatter free" time from my mind  - it is just constantly racing with all kinds of different thoughts. I am thinking that some of the reason it may have been so bad was that I missed my morning meditation Saturday morning, as I was awakened by Galen coming in and telling me that there was someone named Rachel on the phone. It was Rachel from work calling about that ticket - so I didn't get a chance to meditate.

And I guess, just like so many other things, that if you - if I - skip a practice, then I lose a little bit of progress. I am going to start keeping track, even if just casually, of when it is that I miss meditations, and see if that has an impact on it. In fact, I am thinking about keeping a "meditation log," and simply writing down after each meditation whether it was ok, good, or great, and maybe capturing what thoughts - if it was only ok - were running around in my head. I'm not quite sure how I would do it yet, and I only want to do it if it is going to add some real benefit, as otherwise, it would be defeating the very purpose of meditation.

As far as work goes, I think Better Together is finally stable, and now I will be getting with Erik to start helping with BEAT..... yay. I'm so excited. NOT! This thing seems like a real cluster, but hey - I am grateful to have a job, so I can't complain.

Not sure what the rest of the week will hold - I guess we'll just have to take it as it comes. Is there really any other way? I have my AA meeting that I chair tonight, HOA meeting tomorrow night, and who knows what else. I'm grateful to God to be sober, grateful to be out of my severe depression, and grateful to have a job.
Thank you Lord.

Diggin' this chick

Ok, granted - not the most politically correct title ever. But I think it best captures how I am feeling about Pattie at this point. We chatted again last night, and - as usual - she cracked me up, lightened my mood, was flirty, and left me happy. I really, really like communicating with her. We just seem to "click". And best of all, I think she feels the same way. I guess that really is what it is all about, the whole 'online dating' thang : finding someone you 'click' with. I can't say for sure that things will work into some wonderful long term relationship between us. But I can say this is, by far, the most promising situation I have been in in a long, long time.

In other news, I think we FINALLY got the g*dd@mn m*th#rf)ck!n UDC issues all resolved - PRAISE GOD!!!! Lol. I was starting to think that I had entered some infinite loop, with no exit condition on that whole deal! Of course, it didn't help that Traci totally hosed the permissions requirements and provided the wrong info to go off of. Oh well - all's well that ends well. And I learned something : don't give that woman an inch, and make sure to CYA at ALL TIMES. I will make sure that any time I work with her in the future that all of the requirements are CLEARLY understood, and I will not move forward until I am confident that everyone is clear and on the same page. And, if I think it necessary, I will request a meeting with the customer - whether she likes it or not. Yep - I learn from mistakes now. I only hope she does too.

Let's see.. what else. Nothing really too interesting. Tessi came home last night for who knows how long this time. I have my first 'real' date with Pattie this Friday, and I think I am going to suggest Carraba's for dinner. They have a nice atmosphere, and great food. I will see if that sounds good to her. I really can't wait to see her again. : )

Look out for that bus! and other observations

Yep - look out for that bus indeed. I was officially thrown under it this week by Traci, right in front of Al, as she tried to blame me for "changing" an AD group in the middle of the project, causing the permissions not to work. Funny thing though - I had a printed copy of an email, that she was copied on, verifying the change as requested by the CUSTOMER. So yeah, her little attempt to run over me didn't work out too well. And when she tried to press me for why I had changed it in front of Al, he basically said 'let's just forget about that and focus on the solution' or something to that effect. It was really cool to see him be in my corner, and basically shut her down. She has been so devious during this entire project, and especially so as it has rolled into production. She basically messed up big time and dropped the ball on a major user requirement and was trying to blame me. But she didn't know that I failed recess, cuz I don't play!!! Ha ha!

In other news, I didn't hear back from Marj until this morning (she sent an email at about 1am this morning) and she said that her son has a bday party for his son so she isn't sure about doing dinner this weekend. She mentioned that she probably could Monday night but that she wouldn't be able to stay out too late. I have been trying to keep in mind my unrealistic communication expectations, but I can't help feeling she is being a little hesitant and backstepping a bit. So I sent her an email this morning basically saying that I am attracted to her, but if she doesn't feel the same about me, it's ok, and I would rather just know now. I don't want another Wendy situation where we are just 'hanging out' when she isn't even attracted to me. I am looking for a romantic partner - not another activity buddy. She hasn't replied yet, and probably won't til late tonight or tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow - I am finally going to meet the redhead I have been communicating with - Patricia - at Jamba Juice at 2 tomorrow. Her picture on POF induced quite a "recation" in me, and if she looks anything like she does in the picture, chances are I will be attracted to her. She seems sweet in her emails, reminds me a bit of Michelle. So I guess we'll see what happens. I like Marj, and she seemed to have some availablity for a relationship when we met. But now that she seems to be backpedalling, I'm ot so sure. I am basically just taking this all with an open mind, a positive "have fun" attitude, and playing the numbers game like Diana has suggested all this time. It has become apparent to me that I don't need to look at each and every meeting as "my only chance" - that many more will present themselves, and I can take my time and enjoy the process of meeting different people. Yeah - I can do that today. I really can! Yippeee!

I am speaking tonight at my new Monday night homegroup at 6pm and that should be cool. I haven't spoken at a meeting in a very long time. I am a little concerned, as it is an AA meeting, and a lot of my experience deals with drugs. But I have noticed at this group that they are much more open to that side of things, and don't seem to have an issue with people sharing about that. At least not like at my Friday night meeting, which is fantastic by the way, and at which NO ONE can share about anything but alcohol - it is expressly forbidden. Right after speaking, I will try to catch what I can of my Friday night homegroup meeting, and then the regular meeting. It will be an AA night fo-shizzle! And I can't think of a better way to spend a Friday night. Well, maybe I can think of ONE way!! Ha ha ha! Grateful to be happy, healthy and sober today... that's me : )

A Tale of Two Mornings

The first, a happy, newly refreshed morning on which I was smiling inside, having met a nice, beautiful woman the night before, and having talked to her for over 3 hours. The other, a frustrating, stressful morning full of "it doesn't work" and "there's something wrong with..." observances from the friendliest BA this side of the Pecos. I swear - as much as I try to maintain a peaceful calm demeanor, I could just rip her f*ck!ng head off sometimes! Aaarrrggghhhhh! It's not so bad that things are wrong with the app - I mean, that is the nature of the beast, and to be expected. What is bad is the way she just JUMPS on the first little sign of an error, and throws it in my face - "there's something wrong with the app." This morning, I don't think she had been signed in for more than 30 seconds before she was IM'ing saying there was something wrong. Turns out, nothing was wrong with the app - it was the user account they were trying to use to access the app, one that was not even mentioned in the reqs. Oy vey! I just need to breathe.....

Now, on to something much nicer - the good part of the morning, the part where I was reminiscing about the woman I met last night, Marj. I know - really? Marj? And she's hot? No way. Typically, Marj is not a name that conjures up visions of beauty. But she definitely breaks the mold, and in the greatest of ways. Pretty, sweet, nice figure, great attitude, charming - we really hit it off. I couldn't help but thinking after we parted, "this one is a keeper." To top it off, when I got home, she had written me an email apologizing for talking so much about her past. She also mentioned that she enjoyed talking with me and had a good time. It was really cool to get an email like that, especially considering that when I initially signed into gmail, I was doing it to send her the very same kind of email! Lol. Gotta' love it.

I wrote her back a nice email, and basically told her no apologies were necessary, that I enjoyed talking to her, and that she was a very sweet and beautiful woman. I am hoping that last part wasn't too much, but I just couldn't help saying how I truly felt. I was - I am - EXTREMELY attracted to her. I wanted to reach over and put my hand on her thigh SO bad last night. She has a great figure, and was wearing a sexy, low cut top, with some nice shorts that were fairly short, but not so much to be trampy. Her skin looked silky smooth, and I swear it was all I could do to not just reach over and start stroking her thigh!

Now I am a little nervous, as I haven'y yet receieved a reply from her. I hope she didn't think I came on too strong in my reply email. Chances are, everything is fine, and I am worrying for nothing. But I have to say honestly that out of all the women I have met over the last 7 years, all of them, she is the one that I have found the most completely attractive in all ways : nice figure, a little shorter than me, friendly, warm, no excessive facial hair (sounds mean, I know - but I just have an aversion to that), great legs, nice breasts (not huge, but not tiny either), nice smile, open and honest, self aware, etc. I mean, I could really see myself pursuing this woman, and really trying to make something serious with her. I want her - and not just sexually. I want her to be with me, and I want to be with her - to be there for her, and treat her like she deserves. She has been through some stuff - been cheated on, lied to, etc - and she really deserves to have a nice man who will treat her like the lady she is. I want to be that man.

Of course, I am getting way ahead of myself, and breaking all my rules of dating by saying this, but it is what I am feeling inside, and what I am thinking in my head. I know enough to know not to get to attached to the idea though, as I don't know that she feels the same way. And I don't want to be all disappointed if things don't work out. I just need to do the same thing with this as I was trying to do with the "Traci" issue this morning : breathe..... ahhhhhhh......

Still hangin' in there!

I have been doing such a good job of keeping my blog updated, I thought I would post just a brief snippet for today. Things on POF were VERY quiet this weekend. In fact, I didn't get even one message Saturday or Sunday. I didn't let it get to me at all though. I had a nice weekend with the kids, although Tessi was sicker than a dog with stomach flu Saturday night. She said she and Autumn had stayed up til like 5am, so it was no surprise that she got sick - she almost always does after staying up so late like that. Galen and I watched some good movies together (Tess joined in for the "From Paris with Love").

I had fun bowling Saturday night with my newly found team and league. It is a very diverse group of people - all ages, ethnicities, styles - and I really like it. I was thinking Saturday night that it is much better to be on that night instead of Sunday like the old league was. I feel like getting out on Saturday nights usually, and now I can, and do. On the other hand, I don't really feel like going anywhere Sunday night, and would rather stay home and relax. So it works out perfectly.

I did get a message from someone on POF late last night (saw it this morning when I got to work). It is from a woman named Wendy (username 'Tantricdish' - sounds yummy to me! Lol). She sounds very interesting - intelligent, well educated, strawberry blonde hair - and she sent me a reply asking me to tell her about who I am and what I am looking for in a relationship. That's a pretty deep question, so I sent her a pretty thoughtful reply. If things go the way they have been, I may never even hear from her again. But, I am not giving up faith, and in any case, it was a good exercise in self-awareness, trying to think of how to explain to someone else who I am.

Life is pretty darned good right now, I must admit. Other than CRAVING some good lovin' (oh, and by the way - she lives up to her username in her profile, stating that any man she dates must have a strong libido - got that one covered!). I am happy, healthy, content at work, and generally enjoying life. As far as the woman situation, I am still actively seeking, but without the desperation and thoughts of failure when things don't work out with a certain woman, or they don't write back. I figure the Universe knows what it is doing, and I have faith that everything will work out the way it is supposed to as long as I keep doing the footwork. Gee - that sounds familiar - wonder where I came up with that one??? ha ha ha!

Don't.... want.... to..... work......

Ugh! I am having SUCH a hard time getting motivated to do ANY coding today. A couple of years ago I would have felt really guilty about my complete lack of enthusiasm and production. But I have learned over time that for me to properly align my production rate with the flow of time in IT, I need to actually take some time - a fairly good amount of time - to do things other than work on my projects.

In the past, I would go gung ho at stuff, get it done, and then have to sit around frustrated that I didn't have anything else to do. So I would go to my boss at the time and ask for more work. Now I thought this was a good thing, that it would show them how hard a worker I was, and that they would love me for it. But what I found was just the opposite - that they really found it more annoying than anything else, and instead of endearing me with them, it got me on their bad sides.

So for awhile, I just got all resentful about it, and thought that I was just too hard a worker, that everyone else was bums, and that maybe I was in the wrong profession. But as time went by, I started to see that that is just the way it is in this industry - feast or famine, slower than hell or balls to the wall, nothing to do or too much to possibly do. So, instead of fighting this inherent property, I have learned to adjust to it. And part of that is allowing myself some time, sometimes even a day or more, to just let everything fall back into synch.

The biggest thing I had to overcome was the guilt I felt about it. Coming from blue collar jobs, it was very hard to understand and embrace the concept of doing nothing basically, producing nothing of import, and instead of getting yelled at for it, getting paid. But I no longer feel guilty about it, and I have come to accept what is, and that I am not cheating anyone, I am merely being a "part of," and adapting my work habits to my environment. And to be honest, I quite enjoy my job now.

And it has worked spectacularly well. I have been in my current position for over 2 years now (a record for me!) and I think my boss and the people here genuinely like and respect me. I have a great cube (one of the best - of not the best - in the joint in my opinion) and a base of customers who love me. My boss does not micromanage me, and trusts me to get stuff done on time and within scope. I have a nice little group of "lunch buddies" that I eat with, and I even hang out and so stuff with some of them outside of work occasionally. Yes, my life - my work life - is better than it has ever been. And I am extremely grateful. Very, very, VERY grateful.

So I only have question now on this wonderful Friday morning : Is it lunch time yet?!?! Ha ha ha ha!