Unpleasant unexpected call

Yesterday, I was sitting on the couch watching "Breakfast at Tiffany's" wtith Debbie yesterday afternoon when I got a call that blew me away. It was a woman, and she said "Hello Mr. Wood, this is ____ with WalMart loss prevention. I have your daugther Tessi Wood. We caught her shoplifting and we need you to come down and get her in the next 30 minutes or we will contact the police." I can't even begin to describe the thoughts and feelings that filled me at that moment. I have been going through all kinds of struggles with Galen again, having to ask hin to leave because of his drug use again. But I NEVER expected anything like this from Tessi.

I went down to pick her up (I had dropped her and Genesys off at Christown to get some hair dye and hang out). They told me that she was not allowed to come into the store again without an adult or she would be detained again on supicion of shoplifting. They said that I am going to be getting a letter from WalMart and will be slapped with $150 fine that I have to pay, or else I will have to go to court. They also said that if she ever gets caught again, she will be charged with shoplifting and the police will be called. I was sick to my stomach. I just couldn't believe that my daughter was caught shoplifting. She had taken some fake nails, put them her bag, and then walked out of the store without paying for them. She had $12 on her that I had given her to buy hair dye, so it's not like she didn't have any money.

I actually don't feel like writing much more about this right now. My left wrist has been hurting when I type lately, so I really don't feel like typing much more. I will close by saying this : I am so glad that I have a wonderful woman like Debbie in my life. I spent the night with her last night, and it was very comforting. I am still pretty bummed out today, but it sure is nice to know that I have a wonderful woman like her in my life to love and support me through this. I am trying to maintain some perspective and serenity and remembering to breathe...

Questionable role model for Tessi

I debated for a bit over whether or not to post anything about this,-mainly because of pure laziness! Lol. But I think it is worth journalling a bit about, as it is something I am a little concerned about. Over the last several months, Tessi has been building a stronger and stronger relationship with Carrie. It has gotten to the point that she calls Carrie "mom", and her real mom Sam. For the most part, Carrie has been very loving to Tessi and spent a good amount of time with. I am concerned however that Carrie is not the best role model for Tessi, and in all honesty, I don't really like Carrie that much. She has displayed a pattern of irresponsibility and an inability to work a regular job and support herself. Both of those things for me are strong indicators of a person's character, and in both areas, I think she is lacking. Still, I know how important the relationship is to Tessi, so I have let it continue. But after what I found out last night, I am questioning that decision.

As she was getting ready for bed, Tessi asked me if I had found a $20 bill in any of her pants pockets when I was doing laundry. I told her that I hadn't, and asked her where she got one in the first place. She proceeded to tell me that she and Carrie had returned some sandals I had bought for her, and that instead of getting new sandals, they took some of the money and bought Taco Bell, and put a little gas in Carrie's tank with it. The $20 she was referring to was what was left after that. I was extremely upset upon hearing this, as I couldn't believe that : 1 - they had taken the shoes back for money instead of exhanging them like they were supposed to. 2 - that they spent some of the money on food and gas after I had already given Carrie $20. And 3 - that Carrie allowed this to happen, and even participated in it. What kind of message does that send? That it's ok to take spend other people's money as you see fit without even asking them? No bueno in my book.

Of course I was upset at Tessi. But a part of me is even more upset at Carrie for not saying something to the effect of, "No Tessi - we shouldn't spend that money unless we ask your dad. You were supposed to get shoes with it, and we need to save it for that." Unfortunately, Carrie has a history of - how can I put this kindly - "leaning on people" a little too much, to the point that they actually just have to cut her off from help. It's enough that she lost her 4 kids to CPS, but worse that she can't find and keep a job. And instead of really looking for work, it seems to me she spends more of her time trying to figure out how to get the military to pay for stuff or help her out or trying to concoct other 'schemes' to come up with money.

On top of all this, she (Carrie) told me last night that she was in the middle of some "conflicting story" situation between TASC and Terros : apparently, TASC said she came up dirty on 2 UA's, but Terros said she didn't. She swears she is clean, and said she is even going to do a hair follicle test to prove it. But the mere fact that this is happening is a red flag to me - yet another indicator of the chaos and unmanageability of her life. And it is just those things that I don't want Tessi to pick up from someone who is supposed to be a 'motherly' role model. Even though Tessi vehemently disagrees, Carrie reminds me more and more of Sam all the time : the scheming, the blaming of other people/entities for her problems, the inability to work a real job. All of these things are things that I do NOT want Tessi to model.

So I am thinking I am going to call Carrie today over lunch (in about an hour) and talk to her about this shoe return issue. I would really like some kind of explanation, even though there is nothing she can really say that will cause me to think any differently about her or the situation. I also want to discuss the importance of being a good role model, and ask her what she is doing to find some real employment. I can't continue to give her money to support her driving around. The last thing I need is to be supporting some full-grown adult who is simply unable, or unwilling, to carry their own weight.

I am hoping that, in time, Tessi will build a stronger bond with Debbie, who is a MUCH better role model and better person all the way around. I am also thinking that as soon as I get some insurance going through my work here - actually, probably before - I am going to try to get some counselling scheduled for Tess. I think it would help her a lot to talk to some objective, wiser woman who could help her make some decisions based on ideas and knowledge she may not currently even be aware of. My primary goal is simply to raise a responsibly, emotionally healthy, well-adjusted daughter who can stand up to life's challenges and be her own woman. Not another "societal dependent" who is always looking for ways to have other people support them. I feel a little icky even saying that in reference to Carrie and Sam, but it's hard to see it any other way. It sounds so cliche', but I really want what's best for Tessi. And I just don't think that Carrie is it.