Wow, it is so funny how the slightest mistake in perception can TOTALLY change the meaning of an event, and hence all the feelings about that event. I had written yesterday about how Randall had "made fun" of me after bowling Sunday night, sending me into a spiral of anger and resentment. So I sent Randall an email yesterday stating that I would not be at bowling this next week and that I would not be returning next season. I was basically writing off not only bowling, but the Friday night meeting as well. My anger had snowballed, and was consuming every "Randall related" thing in its path.
After I sent the email, I got a text from Randall saying "can we please talk after you get off work?" I replied that yes, we could, at about 5pm. So he calls at 5, and at first, I don't even want to answer, because by this time I have come home and one of the kids has made some new demand of me, sending me over the edge, and I am SUPER pissed. Well, mom called, and we talked for a bit, and I settled down. So I actually did the right thing - the thing I would NEVER have done before I got some recovery - and I called Randall - to find out that the WHOLE even was a total misunderstanding, and that I had taken what he did as directed towards ME when it wasn't at all. Turns out he was referring to Keith and Jim's team, as they were complaining about the way handicap was done, and it JUST HAPPENED to come out of his mouth (the whole 'Waaaahhhh' thing) at the same exact time that I had just finished telling Sally how I had been trying to improve my game for the last 6 years, and couldn't. In fact, Randall was in total shick that I was so mad, because he didn't make the connection I had made, and so had no idea why I was even mad. Wow - timing really is everything.
So, after a nice talk with him, I decided that the real issue was not him, or even the fact that my bowling scores had dropped off a cliff. What was really happening was that the kids were arguing and fighting before bowling had even started, with Galen making fun of Tessi, and Tessi bawling about it, and I was upset from the get-go. I have decided that instead of quitting bowling, which I really do enjoy when I can keep my ego out of it, I am going to stop taking either one of them. That is my time, for me to do something fun for ME. And inevitably, if one or both of them come, it ends up not being fun or relaxing for me at all. Hence the stress, and probably the lower scores too. I will be curious to see how I do once they stop coming.
The best part of all this is that I overcame some past behavioral patterns, and instead of just isolating, ignoring Randall's calls, and allowing the anger to build even more, I did the right thing : I confronted the issue (or delusion, as it turned out) head on, and called Randall to talk about it. I was able to "make amends quickly" just like the 10th step says, and to preserver both a friendship, as well as what has become a way of life, or at least enjoyable tradition, for myself. And for that, I am extremely grateful. It is so cool to actually see the principles working in my life. Now today, my DBA (Steph) is all pissy for some reason - another opportunity for learning I guess. Progress, not perfection, right?!?!?
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