Break time

So I met with Marj last night, and suffice it to say that it was such a "wonderful" experience that I am officially 'on break' from dating until further notice. We met at a place off of 3rd street and Bell called Yogurtini, a self serve yogurt place that was ok, but way inferior to Yogurtology as far as taste and product quality go. Anyway, we got our yougurt and sat down to visit, and she quickly got to talking about some issues she was having with her son - apparently he got busted for drugs recently, and she has been trying to get him to stop smoking the ganj (we all know how well that works - a mom trying to get her son to quit smoking weed, right? Lol).

I listened to her talking, and it was pretty clear to me that she has a VERY codependent relationship with her son, and that she was almost obsessed with the situation. I asked if she might consider going to Al Anon for some advice, and she told me that she already had gone, when she was dealing with her alcoholic husband. It seemed like she was looking for some advice, and I suggested that she might need to set some clear boundaries. She seemed to understand the concept, but I didn't get the feeling that she would be able to actually put them into practice and stick to them.

Well, after about 30-35 minutes of talking, she tells me that her son texted her, that he's home, and that she's sorry, but she really wants to go home and catch him so she can talk to him. Now, I have skipped taking the kids out to dinner to meet, taken the trouble to shower and dress nice, and driven like 12 miles - just to have her leave so she can go talk to her son...? Yeah, I wasn't real happy about that. It was however, a very enlightening experience, and showed me that she is definitely not someone I want to get involved with. She has so much going on with her son, and she is so engrossed in it, that I just don't see that we could have any kind of healthy relationship. And that's not to mention the fact that I asked her about that guy she was having trouble with, who wouldn't leave her alone, and she explained that it was an "on again/off again" thing, and that he wanted to be on again. Interestingly, that's all she really said - never said if she wanted to still, or if they were 'on again'.

All this left me feeling very disappointed, let down, and pretty much just burnt out on the whole process of meeting and trying to date women. It seems like it is just more work than it is worth right now, and I am tired of the mind games, disappointment, hassle and time it takes. I posted a message on my FB last night that I am just going to take a break from it, and I truly am. I even got on POF for just a minute last night thinking I might send out a message or 2. Then I realized I was just sick of it all, and I just closed the page. I am still in contact with Patricia, and she is fun to hang out with, so I might just go out on the occasional fun date with her, and maybe even Sharon sometimes, now that she is divorcing Bob.

I have learned a lot this round though. I have learned that it is important to be very clear in the beginning what my intentions are. And that if I am really attracted to a woman, and she suggests the "just friends first" thing, to just politely decline and move on. I am not looking for more "friends" - I am looking for a life partner. I have also learned that I tend to fall in WAY too quickly - STILL - and that I really need to concentrate on taking it slow, VERY slow, and take time to really get to know the person before I let myself think "she's the one!" And I also learned to not let anyone convince me to send them anything that I have written solely for my own viewing or purposes. Nothing good can come of it, and it defeats the purpose of such writing.

So, now I am back to "single dad" life, taking the time to be more involved with the kids, work out, read, meditate, get chores done, do my AA stuff, and just enjoy life. I am ok - I really am. I am not lonely, nor am I desperate. I am just me - single me. And single me is ok today. In fact, I like single me. And until single me finds a single someone else with whom things seem to click, single me is going to love myself and enjoy my life for all the wonderful things in it - and in me :)