Big Weekend

This weekend was a big weekend : Patricia and I stayed at the Hyatt off of I-17 and spent the night together for the first time. We finally got to explore our passionate desires to their logical ends, and it was a very pleasant experience indeed. I had a very nice time with her, and I am very pleased at just how easy it is to be around her and how calm and relaxed I feel with her. The sex was good too, and I am fairly certain she enjoyed it quite a bit as well! Lol.

It is interesting though, just how different this relationship is and how it is progressing in comparison to every other one I have ever had. Although I do find her attractive, and there is some great chemistry between us, I am not completely "ga ga" for her as I have been with other women, even as recently as Michelle. And while there is a part of me that thinks maybe I'm just not as attracted to her as much physically as I was to those other women - and some part of that may be true - I would like to think also that maybe I have learned something from all of my other experiences, to take things slow, and to keep some reigns on my runaway heart to avoid some of the heartache and frustrations that I have experienced in so many other dating relationships.

Another interesting aspect of all this is my overall view of the relationship. In the past, when dating a woman, I would always find myself thinking "what if I find some PERFECT woman now? Someone who is just drop-dead gorgeous, nice, rich, etc... and she likes me? I won't be able to do anything - I will miss out on the 'big one'!" But now I finally realize that we are dating - that's it. We are not married, I have - for ONCE - not made any overt declarations of love, I have not made any unrealistic commitments - none of that. So, IF something did happen like I described, and some perfect woman came along, I would not have to miss out - I am not trapped. I will say that Pattie did mention something about us being boyfriend and girlfriend, and I agreed that, at this point, we are.

I think that, for me, all of this is evidence of some real growth and healthy relationship behaviors. I do find myself thinking back to Tina, and how I sometimes miss her body (Pattie is just a wee bit heavy - not extremely, but not in as good a shape as Tina was - which is very ironic, considering how much I used to bug Tina about her weight! Insanity for sure...), but then I remember all of the other stuff - the personality conflicts, and it causes me to rethink my position, and stop glorifying the stuff with Tina. And to her great credit, Pattie has made mention herself to the fact that she doesn't like the way she looks in the mirror, and said that she is going to join a gym to get into shape. So who knows - she may end up being even hotter than Tina in the end.

The great thing is that I am able to enjoy being with her now though, and was even able to enjoy being intimate even though she doesn't fit into the mold of what I consider to be a "hot body." She is very sensual though, and definitely knows how to turn me on. She also looks suprisingly good from some specific "viewpoints," and I had no real trouble 'getting there.' And for me, that is a pretty good indicator of how much REAL chemistry there is. I go back to times with Marci, and even times with Tina, when I had a little trouble getting there. In fact with Tina, the best sex we ever had was makeup sex. I laugh whenever I hear that term used in music or popular culture now, especially when referring to it being the best kind, cuz I've been there! Lol!

So I am taking this new relationship with Pattie just like the Program - one day at a time. She is sweet, funny, intelligent and fun to be around, and I am going to enjoy that without concern of "what if" or "what will they think." I am going to let things go where they may, keeping in mind to take it slow and not rush, or otherwise sabotage things. I have faith that things will work out exactly as they are supposed to if I do these things. Because in reality, it can be no other way anyway : )