Update on the date

So I finally had the 'big' date with Wendy, and we actually had a nice day together. I was pretty excited at first, because as she approached the lightrail station, I noticed she was wearing a light skirt, with high slits up both sides, and a top that showed a little bit of cleavage. I am thinking, "ok, she must like me, cuz she is showing some skin." But interestingly enough, once we actually met up, I couldn't tell if that was the case or not, and that was pretty much the vibe of the day. Not to say we didn't have a nice time, because we did.

We went to the Phoenix Art Museum, which I had never been to, and I was really impressed by the sheer size and beauty of the place. We spent probably 2 or 3 hours there. There was one moment, shortly after we first got there, when she was squeezing in front of me to look at something, and had her butt resting on my nether region, and again I was thinking, "momma's doing some flirting here!" But after that, there wasn't really any more of that type of interaction, so again, I was left wondering.

We went out to a late lunch after, at a place called Maizie's, and had a nice time there as well. It seemed like she was pretty "into" the waiter, who was a good looking younger guy, but maybe that is just her nature, a bit flirty. In any case, we had some nice conversation, which was good, because the item I ordered, the Caesar salad, pretty much sucked! I've had much better ones. No big though.

When we got back to the park and ride, I walked her to her van, we exchanged a nice hug, and although I had thought about going in for a little kiss, she made clear by the way she turned her head away after the hug that that was not happening. Which was ok. So I was left not really knowing how she felt about me, but thinking that she really wasn't too attracted to me physically.

I sent her an email Saturday night telling her that I had a nice time and that I was attracted to her - that it would be cool if we met for lunch. I got an email back from her saying that she would let me know about lunch, and that was it. That has been very typical of our email communications : I will say something personal, and complimentary, and when she replies, she keeps it very sterile, and never really acknowledges what I have said. I haven't let it get to me though, as I know I have communication issues, and have been telling myself "no worries, that's just how she communicates."

Since I had disclosed so much about how I felt about her though, and she hadn't said anything about how she felt about me really, I sent her an email last night asking flatly, "what do you think of me so far?" Her reply was that we share a lot of common interests and relationship goals, but that she didn't have that "fuzzy" feeling. She said she was willing to keep meeting though to see if it develops. I replied that was cool with me, and that the reason I asked is because I had gotten that feeling from her. So where does that leave all this?

Well, I'm not entirely sure, but I think it basically means that we are right where she said we are : there aren't any overpowering feelings of "fuzziness" on either side, but that we can meet up and do things together, because we get along well. I like her, but I am not feeling drawn to her or overly "fuzzy" myself - not like was with Michelle or anything. I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that she seems to have a Dr. Spock like quality to her when it comes to the romance part of it - and perhaps that is because she isn't really attracted to me. She does laugh and express emotion about other things, but when the conversation turns to relationship or attraction type subjects, she becomes very cold and rational, or tries to pretty much just shut it down.

The great thing for me today is that I am ok with it just like it is. Is she nice? Yes. Am I attracted to her? Yes. Am I desperately longing to be with her? No, I'm not. I am ok with things no matter how they go - and for me, that is awesome. I have been striving to reach this place, and been seeking the willingness to let go of that "love at first site/fairy tale" romance delusion so I could get here. It is far too early to say that I am completely there, but I am definitely on the path. And all I can say is "Phhhewwwwwww! What a relief!" Ha ha! I needed to find some serenity about this relationship obsession I have grappled with; I have needed to trust the Universe and let go; and it seems that, even in this smalls dose, that is starting to happen. For that, and everything in my life, I truly say "Thank you Lord!"