A Dating Lull

Well, what started out like gangbusters, the whole POF dating thang, has now slowed to a real lull. Out of the last several messages I've sent out, I've only gotten one or 2 replies. And after sending those few another message, I have gotten nothing back. I met with Dana last night, and though she was sweet, she was a bit bigger - heavier - than I thought she would be. She was nice though, so I am thinking I would still like to see her again. We only got to meet for less than an hour last night, as she had to go pick her dad up from the doctor. I texted her this morning to see how that went and she has not yet texted back. But it's ok - I am not really concerned, as I don't think there is a realistic possibility of us getting together. I want someone who is in better shape.

So now, I need to work on just being ok with being single, and being ok with the slow pace at which things develop in the "single" world. I think I have a sort of "single person ADD," or maybe OCD, where I get totally obsessed with the fact that I am single, and want an immediate "cure," as if it is a disease or something. But then when I think about it, even though I try to convince myself that I am just very romantic, and I want someone to 'snuggle' with, I realize that I am lying to myself - I don't want someone to snuggle with, I want someone to have sex with. I don't care if we hold hands and do all that stuff, I just want to get down! And though I used to think it was horrible to think that way, I am now accepting it as it is. Why try to convince myself otherwise?

Now that's not to say that I'm not open to more, and that if I met the right woman, I wouldn't like more. It's just that I haven't met such a woman yet. I have been thinking about the relationship I had with Tina a lot lately - not the romantic, life partner one, but the sexual one. Truth be told, it was the best I ever had, and I have REALLY been missing it. The regular relationship had some good qualities too, but paled in comparison to the incredible sex we had. I am just wondering why it seems so hard for me to 'score' with someone? I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I don't drink and go to bars. Lord knows, a drunk or buzzed woman is a much easier creature to pursue than a sover woman. Oy vey.

I even tried the whole "looking for : intimate encounter" on POF, only to find that there aren't many women on there looking for that (at least not with that classification anyway) and that most of the ones who are are pretty overweight. There were a few others who looked like they might have been "pros" - and hell, at this point, I am almost willing to pay for it! Lol. I might need to make a trip to Nevada or Mexico soon Damn.

So yeah - being 40 and sober, and trying to date pretty much blows. I am determined to not let it get me down this time, to not start telling myself "short and ugly" stories, and to just be patient this time. This is something I really need to learn to let go of - totally. I need to just be ok with who I am, where I am, and what I am doing. Everything will work out the way it is supposed to, and the less interference and resistance from me, the better!