Just Like Clockwork

There are some things in life that you just know are forebingers of other things. You know that when you see a politician start talking, you are going to hear some bullshit. You know that when the sky gets black, and you see a flash of lightning, you are going to hear some thunder soon. And for me - for me, I know that when I start feeling REALLY happy, when I am just overjoyed with life and feel that things could not be any better - a major depression is just around the fucking corner. Time, and time, and time, and time, and time, and time again the process has repeated itself. Today was no exception.

This morning, I was in the best mood I have been in in months - just downright joyful. I got my federal refund, got all the paperwokr filled out for the amended return, for which I will get an additional $700, it's Friday, going to a movie with Todd tonight - what's not to be happy about? Shit if I know. And up until just after lunch, I was very happy. Went out with Jamie, Viv and Tex - hell, Tex even bought lunch for me. It was a nice time.

But sometime after lunch, it hit me - just like a fucking baseball bat, no kidding. Out of nowhere, it just came upon me like always. And I know what probably prompted it. It has been great fun emailing and texting Ty - but she is married. She has a husband, and a son. It's fun to reminisce, but at some point, it becomes almost self-injurious. And then there is the stupid fucking decision I made to join eHarmony again - why, WHY do I fucking do that? It's just like rapid-fire rejection that I actually pay for. I think titty bars are bad, but at least I get to see some hooter and smell them. Fuck. This eHarmnony thing, it's just totally demoralizing for me.

And I have even cut way back on my standards and such. I am messaging almost everyone they send to me, and still - nothing. I got 2 initial "requests communication" things from 2 different women before I renewed my membership. So I went in thinking, "cool, there are already some ladies interested - this will be a sure thing!" But of course, they fucking DRAG shit out for days, like I am just some 5th string choice at the bottom of the heap. Yeah, that's a nice feeling. And I have to try not to message them right back, so I don't look desperate or anything - want them to think that I am busy too, that the whole "looking" thing is just some side thing that doesn't really mean shit to me. Must be fucking nice. What the hell are they doing on the sites anyway then? That's what I want to know.