Catching Up

Ok, so I left off on my last post right at the really good part. So I met Ty out at a place by where she works now, as a realtor, off of 83rd Ave and Thunderbird. We sat and had some tacos together, and just like in the old days, she talked my ear off, and I loved every minute of it. It is amazing how much she is still the same old Ty - witty, blazingly intelligent, brutally honest, and fun to talk to. She has gained a little weight, which I was at first surprised by - considering the fact that when I was last around her, Doug used to refer to her as being like a little elf, or pixie - she was so slight. But she is definitely the same Ty, and we shared that same connection we always did. If she wasn't married, I would be ecstatic, but being that she is, I am a little scared, to be honest.

Anyway, towards the end of our time together (about an hour and a hakf), I got my opportunity to make my formal amends to her, and to apologize for the way I left her. It was a very emotional moment, and I had already come to tears a couple of times before we even met just thinking about it. She got pretty teared up too, and when I looked in her eyes, I saw that same hurt and love that I remember seeing over 18 years ago, like we had just broken up 2 weeks ago. I wanted so much to just take her in my arms, and hug the pain right out of her. But I held back that urge, and we shared the moment, sitting across from one another, not really crying, but with tears welling in her eyes.

I did give her a great big hug - 2 actually - before I left, and I was so happy to know that she did not hate me anymore. In fact, from what she said, she never really did. She was just mad and hurt at the time, but over the years she had never thought anything but good thoughts about me. Since that evening (Monday, Feb 15th, 2010, for posterity) we have been in touch frequently through email and texting. I am really enjoying the communication, as she always did have a way to see me for who I am, and I generally believe the nice things she says about me - which is completely opposite my reaction to when other women say those things.

Of course, we have written and talked about old times, about things we each remember from back then, and things that reminded us of one another over the years. I am a little scared, as I said, because I get the distinct impression that she never stopped loving me, and that if I wanted to whisk her off her feet, I could. And for whatever reason, she still seems to have that strange power she had over me before - whenever I look deep into her eyes, I am just compelled to hold and protect her; to love her and keep her safe; to be her "knight in shining armor." And it is not some petty romaniticized feeling I am describing here. It may have been 18 years ago. But I have been around long enough and seen enough women to know that I don't feel that for just anyone.

So what does it all mean? It means that I want to be there for her as the best friend I can be, and with extreme caution and awareness. Lord knows, I would not want her to do anything that might cause her to leave her current husband, or anything remotely similar. I want to be her friend, and that's all. If she was single, I might consider dating her. But as it stands, it is a no go. Her husband is over in Afghanistan serving in the army, so I am sure she suffers some from being lonely. But I do not want to do anything to arouse suspicion in him, nor do I want to give her the impression that I want more than friendship.

And it will be a good learning experience for me. I would do well to learn how to be a friend - just a friend - to a married lady that I find attractive. That hasn't worked out too good - or it worked out way too good - in the past! I am taking this one day at a time, with gratitude and compassion. I am glad to have a dear friend back, and glad she is ok. I just want to do my part to make sure it stays that way...