The Beast of Materialism

Rather than start off with a recap of the weekend, which was very nice, I want to share a little bit about what is going on in my head this morning - hence the title of this post. Things have been going very well with Pattie - she is sweet, cute, polite, intelligent, well-groomed - she really is a great match for me. Yet this morning, I find myself asking the familiar old question : "What if I find someone hotter?" I think what spurred it was dropping Tessi off at her friend Genesys' house. Gen's mom is very cute, and sometimes when I see her, I wonder 'why couldn't I attract someone like that?' Or maybe more appropriately, 'could I attract someone like that?' And this usually begins a spiral of going back through the women I've dated, and "checking" to see if any of them were actually 'gorgeous' or not.

Now, I'm not really sure why that is important - I am thinking that there is some part inside of me that needs to know that I too have dated gorgeous women. It almost feels like a competitive thing, like I need the other males to know that I am not "less than" simply because the women I date, or have dated, aren't as hot as the ones they have/are. It can become obsessive, to the point that I can't stop thinking and wondering about it. Fortunately, this time, that doesn't seem to be the case. The "Beast of Materialism" seems to be caged pretty well.

And so I find myself thinking about Pattie, and how sweet she is, and I wonder if I can finally get past this hangup I have about physical beauty. It's not like she isn't pretty, because she is. She is curvy, but not what I would consider "fat" by any standards. As I said, she is very well groomed, and always smells and looks nice. She is funny, thoughtful and communicative. So she really is all the things I have wanted in a partner. In fact, as I write this, I find myself more at ease, and can sense the beast retreating somewhat.

I try to remind myself also that we are not married or anything. We have just started dating, and if by some miracle Sarah Silverman (I have a big crush on her! Lol) were to come up and say "I must have you!" I would still be free and able to engage her desire! Ha ha! So there is no need to even get all worked up really. I can simply take my time, be patient, not move too quickly, and let things develop - imagine that!!! I don't need to rush into - or for that matter, away from - anything. I can just enjoy this dating phase. Lord knows, she is fun to go out with, so why wreck it with a bunch of serious stuff off the bat? I can make a different choice today. I can soothe the savage beast with the music of patience and take it slow and easy today... Thank God for the gift of learning :)