I guess it would be asking too much to think that we could actually have 2 good holidays in a row, and sure enough, mom decided to snap this last weekend and almost completely ruin Christmas for me and the kids. She has been freaking over the kids seeing Sam again - not so much Galen living over there, as she is still angry with him. But she has been outraged over the fact that I have been letting Tessi see her mom, and this weekend, she decided that if she couldn't control me, and make me do what she wanted, that she would take matters into her own hands.
So yesterday, after she basically threatened me the night before with calling CPS on me to report that I was in violation of a court order by allowing the kids to go over there, I decided to head down to Superior Court and see what I needed to do to cover my own butt in case she actually called CPS. While I was on the way to the court, Sam called and told me that indeed, someone had called and reported it to CPS, and that the kids could not spend any time with her until we got the court order modified. So that meant that not only could Tessi not see her mom for Christmas now, which she had really been looking forward to, it also meant that Galen could not stay with Sam at all. He is staying with Lora until we can get this all figured out, and Tessi is trying to deal with the fact that she cannot see her mom now.
I have let mom know that she it out of our life for good now. This was absolutely the last straw. To top things off, she came over to our place while we were at the court and took all of Tessi's presents back. I knew she was going to pull something like that, so I had stopped at Ace and picked up a new deadbolt, but I was already too late. How cruel and heartless does someone have to be to take presents away from a 9 year old girl? And for what - because she loves her mom? Does the fact that my mom hates Sam justify that action? I don't think so.
Of course there is another dimension to all this : the possiblity that I could have been arrested for violating a court order, or that Sam could have, or we both could have. Now it might have been an outside possibility, but still - the possibility was there. And to think that she did all this 5 days before Christmas - well, to me, that is just reprehensible. Although I can forgive her because I believe she is mentally ill, I do not have to keep allowing her into our lives so she can keep wreaking havoc. There has been a steady progression in the seriousness and destructive nature of her actions, and this one has crossed the line. I simply cannot allow her into our lives again - not until she has had some SERIOUS therapy and committed to truly changing.
Yesterday, she sent out an email around 3pm stating that she had gone to the VA and was getting into some counselling and also being presribed some medication. Of course Marshal and I have been BEGGING her for years to do this, but she has always preferred to focus on everyone else's problems. I think it is great that she is doing it, but for me, it is far too little, and way too late. Just the thought that she would squash Tessi's Christmas wishes of seeing her mom, take away all of her presents, and jeopardize my freedom, all 5 days before Christmas - it borders on the coldest, cruelest, most hainous act I have ever been witness to in our family, and I cannot tolerate any more of her hate filled vitriol and anger-inspired, destructive actions.
I almost allowed this all to create a rift between Marshal and me, as he sent an email stating that he did not agree with me letting Tessi see her mom either. But I called him last night and we worked everything out between us. We have basically agreed to disagree, and know that it is possible to still have a good relationship without agreeing on everything. I am grateful for that - she no longer has the power to pit Marshal and I against each other. So we are still going out to M&K's for Christmas Eve, and that should be fun. I am not sure about Christmas Day. Maybe Tess and I will go see Avatar or something. I honestly don't feel like going to Mike and Terri's, and we haven't really been invited anyway.
So now I have to get busy filling out all the paperwork and finding out what all I have to do to resolve this issue so the kids can see their mom. Galen texted me last night and said that he wants to stay with his mom for good, that he likes her parenting style better. Some people might expect that I would be hurt and upset by that, and I was a little bit, but not that much. He has changed a lot over the last year or 2, and it doesn't surprise me that he likes being with her more now. I don't think she is as tough on discipline, and she lets him see his girlfriend all the time, even letting him go to her house after school. I am not about to change the way I parent to make him happy, so it is probably best that he does stay there. And to be honest, Tessi and I have been getting along a lot better, and generally enjoying life without all the stress he created.
I am trying to maintain my serenity in all this, and though at times I have snapped (like Sunday night when mom wass threatening me) I think I have done a pretty good job altogether. I am hoping that Christmas Eve will be a fun time, and that we can get all this stuff resolved quickly so the kids can start seeing their mom again. I just don't have the hate towards Sam that my mom and brother do, and to this point, she has done a good job of meeting me on time, keeping her commitments on picking Tess up and bringing her back, and even gone out of her way to make it easy for me. The kids have said nothing that would cause me to believe that she is mistreating them, and Galen has actually been doing better with his grades.
May we all be blessed with wisdom, patience, understanding and compassion and be guided by the only the highest purposes during this holiday season.
No comments:
Post a Comment