Well, I decided this morning to deactivate my Facebook account and delete entirely my previous blog. I have figured out that FB is for happy people - people who have wives/husbands/kids/friends, and who do fun things and want to share that fun with others. It is not for single, recovering drug-addict dads who are struggling to find happiness and a life partner to share their life with. Momma always told me "if you don't have anything nice to say..." and in that spirit, I am sparing the world my whiney, self-pity bullshit, and dusting my Facebook account entirely.
Also, I started this new blog, and did away with the other one. I think I had some stupid delusion that I would be "discovered" as some great comedic writer, and so I made it public and promoted it to my friends and family. But in doing that, I lost what I needed most - a sounding board for my darkest thoughts. And so, I killed that blog, and started this one, which I will tell no one about. Fuck being "discovered." That was just another delusion I had, and it robbed of what I really need, which is basically an online journal in which I can get this shit out of my head.
I chose the Forst Noble Truth as the title of this new blog, because it reminds me that we were never promised ponies and parades. Life is suffering - plain and simple. And I am looking for the practical meaning of the 3rd and 4th truths - the cessation of suffering, and the way leading to the cessation of suffering. And I am going to focus solely on that - for myself and my kids. Fuck the dating sites, fuck the public blogs, and fuck Facebook. I am NOT happy, and I want to spout it out - even if I am the only person who ever sees it. In the end, it only matters that I do anyway.
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