Really - it's been that long again?

I was just looking at the date of my last post and can hardly believe it was over two weeks ago. Really? Man, how time flies! I guess this post could just as easily have been called "catching up" too. To get up to speed - we did meet for pizza at Barro's and it went very well. The kids all seemed to get along well and we each liked each other's kids. Kyrsten, her youngest, is incredibly cute and funny, and Emilee is very sweet and well mannered. I was pleasantly surprised at how much Galen and Debbie visited and thought that was a real plus.

As far as the relationship goes, we have been getting closer and closer, enjoying time together, and she has blessed me with some of the most fantastic sexual experiences - including one this last weekend that I have ALWAYS wanted to try but never had - I have ever had. I stayed the night at her place for ths first time this weekend, and it was very, very comfortable. All in all, it was a very nice weekend, with perhaps one small exception.

On Sunday afternoon, we had gone back to her place, and shortly after, she got a call from her ex-husband letting her know that Kyrsten had fallen and cut her chin pretty bad and that he was going to be taking her to the hospital. Of course, I knew she needed to go, I told her that I totally undestood, and we both left; me to go home, her to go to the hospital. I didn't hear from her until about 8pm, and for some reason, in the time between seeing her and then, I had managed to feel some insecurities arise about her being with Kyrsten - and her ex - all afternoon. Now, she has already told me that she has no feelings for him, and I don't believe she does. But I still got a little bit insecure about it, and mentioned that to her on the phone. She was, as she always is, very reassuring  and compassionate about it, and that helped a lot.

So today, she sent me a text saying that her "favorite girl" stopped by to take her to lunch. And immediately, in my head, I am thinking that her ex (who took the day off to be with Kyrsten) stopped by and took her and Kyrsten out to lunch. And just the thought of that made me feel a little sick to my stomach. Again, I don't think she has any feelings for him, it's just the thought of her being with "another man", even though that man is the father of a child they share together, someone she is divorced from, and someone I probably shouldn't worry about at all. So why am I worried about it? I don't know. I guess, at some very deep level, I do still have some tiny trust issues in regards to even Debbie, even though I tell myself that I trust her completely. Or maybe it's just plain jealousy. But wouldn't that still imply some form of mistrust? I don't know. I do know that I feel pretty icky right now, even after her texting that it wasn't Kyrsten and her ex who took her out, it was her daughter Meghan, which is who I had originally guessed.

But then she texted that she had seen Kyrsten, and POW! There it cropped up again - that ugly beast that is my insecurity and jealousy. I have been doing so well too. I was really thinking I was past it, maybe even completely. But it's pretty clear that isn't the case. Now I am only hoping that she continues to be understanding, to allow me to get through this without getting upset herself, thinking that I don't trust her. I was reading back over my emails to and from Michelle last year, and the situation with her ex, who was also the father of her baby, was strikingly similar. And she ended up very disappointed in me over the whole thing - it basically ruined any chances of the relationship progressing. I am really hoping that is not the case this time, and I know that I need to find a way to get - and keep - this insecurity in check.

I am wondering if maybe I shouldn't schedule an appointment with Diana for a date and time much sooner than my next one is scheduled for (almost 3 weeks from now). It is apparent that as Debbie and I get closer and closer, those things I have brushed WAY under the carpet, deep in the back of my mind are starting to surface and cause some emotional disturbances in me. And I REALLY don't want to screw it up this time. I have already been down that road, and I just don't want to be looking back again, thinking "what the hell did I do?" 3 or 4 months from now. She is such a beautiful woman - physically, mentally, emotionally. She definitely has her own insecurities and issues - she even opened up about one (the fact that her real dad was quite the alcoholic/addict, and that it made/makes her feel like she is "bad") this last Saturday night. And I think that helps her to have some compassion for mine. Thank God for that.

So yeah, I am going to call and set up an appointment with Diana. Geez, it probably isn't the greatest thing to think that I am going to do that, or that I think I need to. I read in her handout of patient info for 2011 that her services are supposed to be short term only, that her goal is to teach people how to deal with issues on their own, without her help. So I can't help but wonder if I am violating her principles, and if I am not a little more messed up still than I have been thinking I am. I know I need to be gentle on myself though. Nothing good ever comes from beating myself up. I know I will get through this, even if I do need some help. And I have faith that I won't mess it up again this time - at least not without trying my damndest not to. That's the best I can do for now, and it's good enough - better than the alternative, which for me has always been running away. I'm not running this time, no matter how hard or scary it gets. I am staying right where I am, and doing whatever I can to ease my fear and irrational thinking. Here's to that....

Catching up

I guess it has been awhile since I posted to this blog, my "online journal." I have been posting a lot of my random thoughts to my new blog, "The Thought Buffet," but haven't included too much personal stuff. So it's probably a good time to catch up. That, and I think I need to write about some stuff to help get it out.

Debbie and I had our date night last Saturday, and it was wondeful. I picked her up at her place, and she was absolutely stunning, in a purple dress and black high heels that caused me to go full mast at the very sight of her! Lol. We went out to Rokerij for dinner, and although we got seated upstairs (nothing is EVER available downstairs it seems), we got a very private table. We ordered a 'dinner for 2' selection with filet, and it was awesome. Afterwards, we went to Starbucks for some coffee for desert. Then, we went to Blockbuster and picked up a movie to bring back to my place.

Oh, I guess I should mention that when I picked her up, I asked her if she might like to stay the night at my place. I didn't want to be presumptuous, and told her that, but I wanted to let her know that she was welcome to. She said she thought that sounded good, so she brought along some overnight stuff. Ok, now back to the story....

When we got to my place, I gave her a little tour, then we kicked our shoes off to sit back on the couch and watch the movie. Well, suffice it to say that we never got past the selection screen on the DVD before we ended up heading to the bedroom and enjoying each other completely - FINALLY. I know we had both been dying to be together, and it was so nice to finally be able to fully explore our desires without having to hold back. The lovemaking was equisite. And what was equally exquisite was snuggling that night and the next morning. In fact, we layed in bed for probably over an hour the next morning, naked, just cuddling, kissing, talking and laughing. I have never been so comfortable with a woman in my life. It was awesome.

Fast forward to last night. We met at Hob Nob's at about 6pm - which has become a bit of a tradition for us. We enjoyed a couple of hours of talking, laughing, kissing and hugging as usual and had a wonderful time. When it was time to go, I walked her to her car, and we engaged in some very passionate kissing/hugging/grabbing, etc. But just as we ended the 'final hug' to part, I noticed that her whole mood seemed to change suddenly, to one of almost disappointment or something...? In fact, when I said "I love you", she barely even replied to it, as if she didn't even feel the same. I was pretty dumbfounded, but figured maybe she was just sad to be parting as she was a few of the other times we parted. She seemed extra distant as she got in the car though, and I had a feeling something else was up, though I didn't know what.

I called her at about 10 last night to say good night, and indeed, she said there was something that was bothering her a little bit (or something like that). When talking at Hob Nobs', I had mentioned that it was fortunate that she had her daugher around, as well as her ex, to watch her kids so we could have time to meet and get to know each other. She said that she thought I meant that to mean that I didn't want her kids to be around when we were together, and that I wanted to be with her but not her kids. I was a little shocked to hear that, as we talked for a good hour after I had said that, and there was no real indication that she felt that way about it then. I mentioned that to her, and she said it just hit her as we were saying good night.

I tried to assure her that I did not mean it that way at all, and we talked through it for about 20-30 minutes. She still seemed a little hesitant afterwards, but better than she had been. I was a little disappointed that she had thought that way about me, but tried to remind myself how many times I have been the one that was insecure, and that everything was going to be ok.

But when I woke up this morning, I started feeling some real feelings of fear and insecurity. It really bugged me that she had such a hard time saying "I love you" back, and that she would think if me in such a way - that I wouldn't want her kids around. I also thought about how much I don't like the 'conditional love' dynamic, where love is either given or not based on what I do - especially when it is retracted for something I did that I am not even aware of, and that was done with no ill will at all. So I decided to write her a lengthy email explaining my thoughts and feelings on some things to hopefully clarify some things I have said and done.

I think the real catalyst to all this is the fact that we are planning to meet each other's kids tomorrow over pizza. I think she has some fear about whether or not I will accept her kids, and she mentioned several times that her kids were very nice, sweet, etc. I told her that I was a little nervous too, and that I think it's natural for us both to feel that way. But after last night, I am wondering if maybe it isn't too soon for that. I am the one who suggested it, and although she agreed, maybe it's just a little too soon, and she simply agreed because she doesn't want me to be disappointed. I'm not sure, but I mentioned all that in my email to her as well. I really hope she replies with some answers for me. I even sent her a text asking her to because I am having a bit of an anxiety attack about all this. I'm not sure why, but I have noticed over the last couple of years that relationships seem to cause me some serious anxiety attacks when insecurities and doubts arise, on either side.

She just texted back and said that she loves me, that she never wants to hurt me, and that her heart is breaking right now. I texted back and told her that I still lover her, and that everything is ok- that we will get through this. And hopefully, we will. But as I have said a number of other times, no matter what happens, I am going to be ok. And she will too. We both had full, happy, productive lives before we met, and should anything happen, we will still have those same lives. If things don't work out, I will move on and continue to grow as a person, work on improving myself, and explore other opportunities. And I would hope and expect that she would too. That being said, I do love her and hope that things work out for us. I guess, as with so many things, time will tell. One thing is sure - life is good, God is good, the Universe is good, and I am grateful. Ok, I guess that's really 4 things, but whatever! Ha ha

Things heating up

Well, it seems Deb and I have bounced back nicely from the little communication mishap the other night. And in fact, things have been heating up quite a bit lately. She has started to be much more forward about her desires, and has said outright that she can't wait to get me naked and that she wants to be with me as much as I want to be with her. Of course, this has meant that I have been harder for even longer periods of time, and have been basically living with a little bit of pre-cum in my undies constantly for a number of days now! Lol. I think I am literally going to explode the first time we get together. I have never been this worked up about a woman, and looked forward this much to being with someone.

I am only hoping that I can make it long enough to actually get to the point of being inside her. As excited and excitable as I have been, as pretty and sweet as she is, as nice a body as she has, the eagerness with which I am looking forward to seeing her naked - all these things conspire to have me cum three or four times before we ever get to that point! I guess I can hope that I am able to bring her to climax in a number of other ways - ways that I VERY much look forward to practicing on her...  I have been fantasizing about - and I think this probably sounds a little weird, in fetish kind of way - caressing and kissing the tops of her feet. That, and going down on her like nobody's business!

We are supposed to be having an actual evening date, with no set time to have to be back to any kids or anything, this Saturday night. I am thinking chances are pretty high that we will get to act out some of these fantasies then. I am sure hoping so anyway. Otherwise, I think there is a serious risk of me actually DYING from blue balls! I know that Sunday, my nads hurt SO bad after we parted, for about 3 hours after. I was worried I might actually have to go to the doctor! We had gotten quite passionate in her car before we parted, and I felt the results of it.

On another subject entirely, I met with John and Ben last night for our annual "KBJ holiday dinner." We ate at Sauce and had a great time talking and catching up. I am blessed to have had such cool classmates and grateful that we have maintained our friendships long after school was over. Seems like they are both doing well too - especially John, as he bought a house in San Antonio and is really happy. Ben is still living with his parents. He bought a house, but is working on fixing it up I guess. He's a nice kid, definitely a unique person.

Life is good right now, it really is. I am just trying to take it as it comes, keep my meditation up, and be the best me I can be. So far, that seems to be working pretty well : )

Communication is so fragile, also my issues about it

Turns out I still have issues with communication - surprise surprise! Yesterday was another one of those days where I sent a number of texts and emails, and only received a couple of texts back, and I allowed myself to get a little twisted about it. Now you would think that after the times that I have spent with Deb so far, and the way our relationship has progressed, and the work I have supposedly done on this issue, I would not allow myself to get worked up about it. But it seems I still have some work to do, as I did get a little passive aggressive last night on the phone, disappointed because I had sent her what I considered to be one of the most romantic emails ever, of all time, and didn't even get a response back. How dare she! Lol.

It made for a very stilted and awkward conversation, and after just a few minutes, she asked if I wanted to let her go. She said later that she was asking because she thought that's what I really needed at the time, some space, and that's what might be best for me. But when she said it, what I heard was "ok, I don't really want to talk to you, so how about we just end this convo now." Which, in all honesty, should probably have been totally understandable. I interpreted as a form of abandonment however, as if she was bailing out on me because I wasn't the happy-go-lucky guy that she wanted to talk to.

We proceeded to exchange a few texts, and it became clear that she too had some insecurities. Turns out she has had some experiences with guys shutting her out in the past and being passive-aggressive, so she is fairly senstive to that type of behavior. Mix that with my fear of abandonment, and it is pretty easy to see how something as small as what happened could blossom into some larger, more painful exercise than either of us had intended. Fortunately, we didn't just let it lie. She called me after a little bit, a call which I missed for some reason. So I called her back, and we talked through some of this stuff. I told her about the way my mom handled situations when I was sad or depressed, and how that wasn't ok with her. Debbie seemed to understand, and even though I was pretty scared about opening up that much to her for fear of her not wanting to deal with that stuff, she seemed to be genuinely compassionate and stated that she wanted to be there for me no matter whether I was happy, sad, angry, depressed - whatever.

She opened up abour her fears of being shut out, and I assured her that I was not going to do that to her. I explained that I had done that to women in the past as a sort of "punishment" for all those women who had ever hurt me. I told her that I didn't want to do that anymore, that it wasn't the kind, spiritual thing to do, and that I especially didn't want to do it with her. It was a very hearfelt conversation, and I think we both came out of it understanding each other's fears a lot better.

As I write this, I still find myself struggling to truly let go of everything that happened, or didn't happen yeterday, and just act as I would if everything had gone smoothly. I am still thinking that I don't want to send her any emails until she sends me one, and that I don't want to send her the normal amount of texts that I normally do letting her know that I am thinking about her. I did however send her a text early this morning, as I usually do, and in it acknowledged that I can be overly-sensitive, and thanker her for understanding. So that in itself was pretty big for me. As far as not sending her any emails, and not texting as much, I honestly can't yet say for certain whether or not it is some form of manipulation based on old patterns, or if it is a mechanism for me to avoid getting resentful about the perceived "imbalance" of communication. This sounds like a very strong candidate for focus in my next counselling session next Wednesday.

There is an interesting side story in all this too, something I was very impressed and comforted by - something that was perhaps a sign of how much I have changed and how far I have come on the path that leads to the cessation of suffering. After our initial phone call, I was feeling a little icky, and I decided that instead of immediately calling her back and risking saying something hurtful or confusing, I would meditate to calm and center myself. I reminded myself that as much as I like Deb, my real intention was to find innner peace and serenity, and that whether or not we stayed together, I was still on that path and would continue to be. I proceeded to have a great meditation, and went from being upset and worrried, thinking I wouldn't be able to sleep, to a state of calm and relaxation, knowing everything would be alright. What an absolute gift and blessing that was - to be able to find that place, even in the midst of the storm.

And so while the title of this post might suggest someting negative, I would like to think that these challenges are really positives that provide room for growth, and not stumbling blocks meant to keep us from getting to our ultimate destination. And the real communication, the communication that is of the utmost importance, and the one that is really guiding and calming me, is the communication with my higher self, God, the Universe, the Holy Spirit, the Source, whatever you want to call it. It is that energy, that pool of wisdom and grace that I gaze into when I am in my deepest meditation. That is the communication that I need to keep open and flowing. Because when it is, it flows forth from that inner spring to noursih all that is outside of me as well, including all of my relationships and activities. I am thankful to be aware of this, and thankful to be me today - thankful to know that I am ok, that I am loved, that I am on the path, and that just because I encounter little bumps doesn't need to mean I need to fall completely off the path. My Inner Guide is always available, and all I have to do is be still and listen....

A nice relaxing Christmas, and the best keeps getting better,

today is yet another one of those "super slow inbetween holidays boss out on PTO extremely quiet inbetween project" days where I don't have a whole lot going on, so I slipped over the the not-so-secret TAS network to goof off a bit and do some blogging. Christmas was very mellow this year and we had a nice time. We went out to M & K's for Christmas Eve and enjoyed some homemade fajitas that Kristina and Marsh made. It was really fun hanging out and goofing with Q while they were making dinner. She was very social and warm, and we really had a lot of fun. After dinner, we played some Wii bowling on a system they had borrowed from some friends, and it was a gas. Tess beat the pants off Galen, Marshal and me, and we all had an awesome time while she did so. I think the kids really liked the gifts I got them too - the big ones being a 22" flatscreen tv for Galen, and the zebra stripe "bed in a bag" that Tessi had been wanting. That's not to mention that I had already given Tessi her new touchscreen phone, and already reactivated Galen's phone for Christmas as well.

Christmas day was ultra-mellow, and we stayed home most of the day and watched movies. Mike and Teri had mom over, so of course they wouldn't want to invite us as well, which is totally undestandable. I must admit, it did seem a bit weird to not be around all of them for Christmas, including mom, but in the end, it was ok. Tess, Galen and I went out to Marie Callender's for dinner and enjoyed some good ham, mashed taters, veggies and pumkin pie. Tessi did mention that it didn't really seem like Christmas this year, esp. because the weather was so nice - which it was. I think that might have had something to do with the fact that mom wasn't around to take them to all the different things, like Zoolights, Glendale Glitters, etc. But I think it also did have something to do with the weather, as well as the fact that the kids are getting older, and as much as all try, the magic of Christmas just seems to fade as we age. It was a nice time though, and I found it to be one of the more relaxing ones I can remember.

Of course, I got my "gift" a little early this year in the form of the love of my life, the most wonderful woman I have ever known, the woman who has proved to me that my dream was not for naught, and who has astounded me by being everything I ever wanted in a partner and so, so much more. We spent most of the day together yesterday, and it seems like we just keep getting closer and closer, more and more comfortable with one another. Our goodbye 'session' was especially passionate yesterday, and I found myself in a fair amount of pain in my nether regions upon parting - a victim of the accursed 'blue balls' (I was trying to think of a more eloquent way to put it, but hey - this is my private blog, right? And what else can really relate that same meaning? Nothing I can think of). She is just SOOOO freakin' beautiful, and her kissing skills just keep getting better and better. She also has been more receptive to the wandering of my hands (and lips) and I just love the feel and shape of her butt, as well as her breasts - at least the parts of them I was able to get my lips on in the low-plunging blouse she wore yesterday. Talk about driving a guy crazy - yowza!

The crazy thing is that after I broke up with Tina, and had dated a few other women, I began to worry that I would never again have a woman with breasts as nice as she had. I have dated very few women my life who had even slightly large breasts, and I must say that was one of the physical features of Tina that I greatly enjoyed. Now, in Debbie, I have a woman who has breasts that appear to be somewhat larger that Tina's, and from what I can gather so far, are very nicely shaped and very soft and supple. I NEVER would have imagined that something like this could happen. And especially not with someone as sweet, smart, caring, funny and likable as Debbie is. I am just in awe - truly in awe of the blessing and miracle that Debbie is and the fact that we are together. My only fear is that the first time we fully together, I will have cum so many times just getting to the point of being ready to engage in the actual act that I won't be able to go all the way! Lol! But that's ok. As strong as the connection is between us, and judging by her reactions to my kisses and touches, I am certain I could make her come several times without having to actually have intercourse with her.

Wow - I am sitting here a little light-headed just writing this, in wonder and disbelief that this gorgeous, beautiful, wonderful woman considers herself lucky to be with ME. Talk about gratitude. If I haven't said it yet today, THANK YOU GOD, thank you Universe, thanks to all that was, all that is, and all that will be, that allowed me to meet this woman. I swear, it is truly like a dream come true, and I FINALLY know what it means to experience true love... to actually fall in love with somebody.... to actually feel the pitter patter of my heart.... and to be literally breathless at another's touch - not just because of her physical appearance, but as much because of who she is. I love this woman, and am so happy to finally be able to say that with full knowledge of what in means, and in full confidence that it is true and real this time.

Really??? No - really?

I was looking at the title of my post yesterday, and thinking of the pure irony of the fact that today, my blog is once again available by clicking "view this site now" - what the?!?! That's it - it's a conspiracy to drive me insane, plain and simple! Lol

Last night Deb and I met at Hob Nob's to hang out and to exchange Christmas gifts. I have to start out by saying she looked absolutely beautiful - as always. But this time was a little extra special, as she wore a blouse with a little bit of a plunging neckline that showed some BEAUTIFUL cleavage. Oh my gosh, has this woman got some wonderful breasts - at least that's what I'm assuming from what I can see! Lol. Ok, back on track here - she got me 2 of the most thoughtful gifts I have ever received : a copy of the book "The Once and Future King" about King Arthur, and a copy of the PBS special "The Buddha" that I loved so much. The very fact that she has known me for such a short time, yet knew enough about me to get me such awesome gifts says volumes about the quality and specialness of this woman.

In fact, I felt so awed by it, that I decided to finally fess up and tell her that I was falling in love with her. I decided that would be a nice way to ease into it, without actually saying "I love you". That way, she wouldn't have to feel compelled to say it back, and we wouldn't have to get into a pattern of saying "I love you" all the time just yet. I didn't want to pressure her, or make her think I was going to fast, and I told her that last night. I told her that I just wanted her to know in case anything should happen - you know, like me getting abducted by aliens or something. Ha ha! She seemed to take it well; didn't say anything back, but that was ok - I didn't expect her to really, and am kinda' glad she didn't, as I wanted it to simply be about me telling her that.

I guess I should mention what I got her too : a Yoda plush that says a number of different phrases. She mentioned once that she really liked Yoda, and I thought she would appreciate it, which she seemed to. I also figured that if she was missing me, she coudl cuddle up to Yoda and draw on his wisdom to comfort her! Ha ha ha! I am such a card, I tell you whut! She also got me a card that was very sweet, and proceeded to tell me some things that really made my heart sing, like how she thinks about me often times at night; and how she pinches herself to make sure she isn't dreaming; and how she feels blessed to have me in her life and hopes we are together for a long time - all music to my ears and heart.

You know, I was reading back over some of my old blog posts, from the time period during which I was dating Ty, and reading how I mentioned that I loved her and thought we would be together "forever". It kind of surprised to look back and read that, because I honestly didn't remember feeling quite that strongly about her. I think I was really more in love with being in love, and kind of deluding myself into thinking I was in love with her. I mean, I did, in some sense, love her. But not in the romantic way that I had myself believing I did. I can say that now, having met Debbie, and considering the way I feel about her. Because there is just no comparison between the 2 feelings. With Ty, there were several things about her that, if I could have, I would have changed : some personality traits, her weight, the smoking, etc. With Debbie, there is nothing - and I mean NOTHING - that I would wish to change.

I honestly did not believe there was any woman anywhere that I could think this way about. I thought that I would forever meet women who were "almost perfect", if only there were more this, or less that, or did this, or didn't do that, or were a little skinnier, a little quieter, and on and on and on. And then the Universe brings Debbie into my life, and there it is - the outlier, the impossibility, the diamond in the rough, the needle in the haystack, the dream made reality. Am I waxing way too romantic over this? Perhaps. Will this be yet another entry I look at a year later, only to wonder what I was thinking? I sure hope not. And could this woman be her - could she be the one I have always hoped and prayed for? It's sure looking that way.... it's sure looking that way.

Yaaayyyy! I can get to my blog again! (oh yeah - and other updates...)

Wow, what do you know - I can access my blog again at work without having to bypass the web filter by clicking "View this site now." Yaaayyyy! I know, I know - it probably isn't the most productive or ethical thing for me to be blogging at work. But, I look at it like this : according to the state of Arizona labor laws, a person who works 8 hours is entitled to two 15 minute breaks in addition to lunch (and I know this is true from having done a little factory/warehouse work in my past). And, in the past, I would have taken these perdiods to smoke a cig. It's just that now, instead of smoking a cig (I quit New Year's Eve of 2006), I blog. How's that for a good rationalization/justification - written like a true addict! Haha

Ok - we all know what the big story is - Debbie, and how awesome things are going with her. And I must say, they really are going wonderfully. We are meeting tonight at Hob Nob's to exhange gifts and I SOOO looking forward to it. I think it is fair to say that we keep getting closer and closer, and when we parted Sunday, I could really sense that she did not want to - perhaps ever. We have talked about getting the kids together to meet, and I am hoping we can arrange that soon, as we both are quite certain that we want to be with the other for a long, long time to come. I am about 99.999999999864% certain that I am going to end up asking her to marry me. It's just a matter of time.

I am still in awe at just how perfectly she matches my "wish list: for a woman, right down to the milky white skin, ample breasts, and nice feet and hands! (yes, I know I am a bit of a freak in those respects, but hey - we ARE talking dream woman here! Lol). She has beautiful eyes, and every time we are out, I catch guys looking at her. How could they not? She's absolutely beautiful. Wow, I am just so tripped out to think I am with her. And the thing that is just increible truly unbelievable, is the fact that she is so humble - and genuinely so, not like she has to put on some front that she is. Sheez, I really hope I didn't croak a couple of weeks ago, and now I am living in my own little "Matrix world", while all the while my body is in some hospital room somewhere! But hey, if it is, give me the red pill, cuz I want to stay in this dream for the duration! haha

In other news, I have been incredibly lazy at work over the last week or 2. But in all fairness, at this time of year, that is typically the status quo - at least in my dept. I don't think anyone really wants to be here, and there is much more visiting and "merriment" than normally goes on. Fortunately, I don't really have any major projects working right now anyway, so being a slug fits into the current schedule very nicely indeed!

The kids have been doing very well. Galen has gone for over a month now without generating any calls from the school to me - woo hoo! On top of that, he has been respectful and loving at home too. Tessi has been doing well, as usual, and spending a lot of time away from home at either Kk's, or Clarice's. Galen is spending this week at his friend Alex's, so I am getting some awesome "kid-free" time - quite a bit as of late. And it's perfect timing too, as it is allowing Deb and I to meet fairly often and really get to know each other. It really seems that all is in a state of total harmony right now - Thank GOD!

And I will close with that : Thank God, for everything; for the kids being happy and healthy; for me being healthy and happy; for Debbie coming into my life; for Marshal and Kristina and Qbert being healthy and happy; for Kristina being pregnant again, with a boy AND girl this time; for family, friends, a good job, a roof over our heads, food to eat and clothes to wear. My prayer is that all who are suffering this Christmas be relieved of their suffering, and that all those who are able to assist in producing that end do so, and in the most effective, efficient, and loving manner possible. To all the world, solar system, galaxy, and entire Universe, I send Blessings of Love and Harmony....